CrEaToR oF yOuR oWn dEsTiNy

2009-05-09T20:37:00.002+08:00

Life really is a rollercoaster ride.

Or perhaps it's just me. The internalized temperaments, the wild mood swings. As the gap between the high and the low increases, i feel myself moving closer to the abyss.

My career side is moving rather smoothly, which presents a gaping hole in other areas that haven't really been worked on.

Sometimes it feels like i'm banging against a stone wall. Each attempt is a risk, and when that risk manifests itself, a deeper hole is dug. Forcing myself to cut off, and keep cutting off to be functional, to be self-run.

But the high flying areas of my life, at work and my progress at ECI, on the other hand, really flips me into a high as i cruise my way up.

This kinda sucks.

All i need is just listening, presence and space to share, indulge and create, moments together. But the populace is disappointing.

Just not certain how long it will take before the enitre pile collapses.

The fragility of what lifes hold for us.

Internalization sucks. How i can't present myself otherwise because of the pre-conceived notions others have that doesn't allow me to be myself.

I'm starting to experience what it means to be in a place high up where people on the ground revere you such that it's almost impossible to be yourself.

I just wanna lose myself in the world of the unknown. To free and be free.

The disconnection lingers.

2009-05-05T08:08:00.005+08:00

These past couple of days have been really weird. Feels like deja vu as I think about the number of relational issues that keep popping up and forcing me to take a look at what relationships are all about, in different contexts and what makes it work. The problems that surface being in a relationship, and the problems that surface in not wanting to be in a relationship.

I had 4 consecutive conversations about relationships from sunday midnight all the way to mon 6pm. Nothing else. Of course that brought alot of revelations as well.

Conversation 1:
It all started out (the bringing up of relational issues) with a simple call with a client of mine. He set himself out to do an Act of Courage that will force him to re-examine connection to people, and what that is all about, how to make it work. Simply put, he spent his first week saying hello to randomly 5 people, and discovered that he puts in different kinds of energy into his hello depending on who he approaches, and that he has a tendency to approach people who are more friendly (duh).

But the point being, that a hello is not effective when you start running conversations based on your own frameworks of how a person would react to you when you make conclusions on what the person is like on the outlook. As a result, you put in more energy when that person whom you say hello to seems enthusiastic and makes you feel like saying hello because you are pretty sure there will be some form of reciprocation, whereas if the person you approach is unfriendly, the opposite will occur. Or mayb, you might not even want to approach them in the first place.

But what good use does the exercise put to you if not for the ability to approach people whom you find hardest to do so?

So he promptly took on another exercise that demands he says hello to 10 people in the second week, trying to approach people who looked unfriendlier and getting them to smile back as a result of your hello, or presence that you put across. What he observed was an ease in approaching the middle age group but problems with people around his younger age. And 1 particular incident stuck: Say hi to this lady who was puzzled by what he was doing, but when he persisted in smiling and sincerely wanting to connect, a smile finally showed up on her face.

Conclusion: If you wanna feel that deep connection with someone, put aside the conversations and thoughts you have about the other person, and just say hi and connect. Otherwise, it will just block the emotional connection you want to bring out when you intellectualize things - and every attempt you try to connect to someone else will most likely be unsuccessful.

Conversation 2:
This conversation between me and my friend went really deep and had a lot more impact than imagined.

Felt like a socratic dialogue.

Context: What makes a relationship work. Redefining relationship in your own terms.

Question: Why would you go into a relationship?

Answer: For security, assurance and a few more other factors.

In such a scenario, that is what causes a "relationship" to start off on the wrong foot. The coming together of 2 people is for the need of each other in certain areas, just like a demand and supply relationship. Expectations begin to set up and start to be imposed on each other when there's a need you expect your partner to fulfill in the manner that you want it.

At the start of a relationship, things start off light, everything is easy going as you enjoy yourselves with each other. But soon, you find that in that creation of familiarity with each other as you enjoy and create intense moments, there are unhidden agendas that you don't realize, where you start setting expectations and projecting onto one another the frameworks you want out of a relationship.

You find that the tolerance level you have of each other start to drop, when you start setting expectations for your partner to eventually fit you tightly like lock and key such that when it is not fulfilled, you get frustration because he/she is dearest to you and you expect him/her to understand and be able to provide what you need.

This is when the context of the relationship shifts to fulfilling your needs - precisely the intention that you started off with in the first place - that security and assurance you are looking for as you try to tie/own each other in the relationship and start imposing barriers and limits. But it impedes the progress of the relationship than to forward it at times.

Question: So what defines a relationship then?

Answer: About creating extraordinary/special/intense moments as you share what you have with your partner and as you create experiences together.

The moment other things creep in, the relationship shifts. And this is pretty much like the honeymoon period of a relationship. But with an intention shifted, the relationship goes a long way.

I remember watching this dance on TV before, how the dance couples moved seamlessly as one, connected in their every movement, emotion and expression. That entranced me. But one thought came to me:

Usually these couples are lovers, they fall in love because of the context that's created - the love for dance and their passion for it.

Question: Then if one day, that context disappears, does the relationship disappear and die off too?

Answer: Sadly, yes.

When you create a context around which your relationship exists, then when that context disappears, the basis for your relationship disappears. Just like how if you work together and hence got to know each other, it may be in the context of your work you fell in love, but suppose you shifted elsewhere from where your partner is at to work, then things changes and the relationship pretty much will end, just like how overseas relationships don't last.

Or rather, the failure to create alternate contexts doesn't allow the relationship to continue to exist and progress.

Question: So what then makes a relationship work?

Answer: I would say that answer lies in creating a passion in what each other does. The ability to be present to each other and being passionate over every single thing that your partner is involved in - the chinese proverb of ai4 wu1 ji2 wu1.

This passion comes in 2 levels. Level 1 - common passion. Level 2 - uncommon passion.

Common passion is the one that was mentioned previously - the context around which the relationship is formed.

When that common passion disappears or is no longer exciting, there has to be a surpassing of those limits to be passionate about what's uncommon to the 2 of you, so that no matter what, you really love each other for who you are, and keep evolving that relationship.

Then we flip to the other side of NOT HAVING A RELATIONSHIP.

This conversation also ties in with a fifth conversation i particularly had about relationships.

Question: Why do you not go into a relationship?

Answer: Most people would say - i'm alright being alone. It feels good, no obligations, no pain.

But is that a form of running away? Most of the time, the reasons why you do not go into a relationship is based upon painting the nice and good picture about not being in one. However, that also means you are avoiding the issues you normally face in a relationship. Only when you break through all the relational issues you normally have and then you decide to be alone, perhaps it is then fine. But that takes a whole lifetime.

On a flipside, some people might decide that they should work on themselves and get stablity. If they can't get it how to go into a relationship in the first place? While that is true, but it can easily become an excuse to not want to get into a relationship when things are stable, afraid to test your limits out in a relationship and realize that things are still not stable nor working.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, you're screwed.

But the better choice may be to be in one should you intentionally work on your relational issues along the way instead of running away. But yes, when you form more experiences in relationships, that's also when you get a hang of it and get breakthrus to deal with issues that you have.

2009-01-29T04:55:00.002+08:00

Tonight is a night of many meaningful conversations.
With my wave, a random taxi driver & my own dad.

Amazing how you can get so much out of 1 night, together with some fear and sadness with those realizations.

It's been some time since people in my wave took the time out to really sit down, talk and connect to each other, especially when most of us are busy with the different roles that we have taken on and diversified after LP ended. And i guess what i'm really grateful for is the instant connection that just happens, how easily the ice just breaks to moment we come together - and it has been 5 months since wave 6 finished LP.

As much as we were cliquish and stuck together in saying no or yes to those outside of our wave, which led many to think that we were united in not being aligned to the organization as a whole, but i guess it was a strength to be able to stand by each other and stand up for what we believed and trusted in each other as a wave. It is that kind of belief that allowed us to stand up for the wave or for each other when we were attacked in some way or another. This is something i felt most waves were not able to do, especially the current resident wave where leaders would preferred to be in the positions of other waves instead.

But it is also this strength in unity we had that allowed us to integrate well with the organization in sticking out in the beliefs of its future and doing our utmost to make Galt Valley materialize. Whether it was the cambodia trip or the processor training, it never fails to amaze me that half of the people in there came from wave 6 - how the essential bonds that we built in the past became mainstayers even now in the future.

Suddenly a food for thought of how we could pull stronger together just came to my mind.

On my way back home, it was kinda amazing how the mention that we were coaches could just cause the driver to pour out his entire life story out to me in just half an hour after i reached my place - the meaninglessness of his life and the pain of what he had been through just struck me and what my dad's life could possibly mean. That struck some fear in me, especially after what i heard my aunts and grandma say to me during CNY.

Never have i, in my entire life, heard of my aunts and grandma's love and concern for my dad. Everything was about practicality: the family was loud, rancous and was never about being lovey-dovey. But this CNY was different, perhaps because i have graduated and in their eyes, i have grown up.

My aunt voiced her concern out to me about the unhealthy lifestyle my dad led - the night shift driving that destroys ur biological clock, the excessive amount of smoking (given that my aunt smokes as well) that he is prone to these days, the amount of coffee and sweets he takes, and the non-existents meals that he ingests (Which i do see him eat at all). She sort of pleaded with me to take care of my dad and if possible, give him money so that he does not need to work.

It was really then i started to take a good look at my dad, and realized how i have not really been seeing him recently, the amount of weight he had lost, how bony he is looking - a shadow of his former self. It forced me to sharpen my clarity, of how he has been losing the meaning to his life and indulging in a habit of smoking that is his only avenue for escape. For a moment there was alot of fear, that he might end up leaving this world before my grandma.

There was this sudden urgency in me to worry about his life, and how do i ensure there are no regrets between him and my mum, given that my mum has a stubborn streak as i do and that doesn't help to reconcile things. Perhaps i'm imposing myself on him, but i think not.

A short conversation - one that makes one confronted - forced out what was really lying beneath--> his desire to reconcile with my mum, except the amount of resistance that is put up. I guess that was a meaning that he was looking for. It was such a confronting admission that he switched from gaming to watching tv in the short span of time.

What do i do next? To resolve a problem as age old as i am. To cause them to take the step of willingness to resolve this and patch up. That is a societal problem that our parents are trapped in, thinking that it is for the good of the children when we were young and not realizing that it is the children who are most aware of what is going on. Not knowing that it was causing pain not just to the two adults, but to the children and well. And that the decision to stay together for the children is not of something that is "no choice" but it was a choice of taking a non-choice, of choosing not to have a choice in the first place. The lack of this first realization that traps you in the first place.

Parents always think that they are doing it for the sake of their children, not seeing that the real truth is of their display of cowardice in not wanting to face the pain of negating what they have created, of destroying that want to see a beautiful picture painted out of this instead.

How ironic, and noble. Children are really just excuses that adults make use of in their maneuvers to get to where they want. And it is sad because that detracts you from the whole meaning of life, which just spiral downwards as all these becomes pointless is your pursuit of doing things for the good of everyone when that obviously brings the whole ship down together with you.

This is becoming a long rant. But ultimately it is something me and my brothers have to take responsibility in working this out: putting ourselves out of the equation so that it is really just between the 2 of them. As much as we could say we have not regrets, but to our parents who brought us to this world, that is something important to us as well, to see them being fulfilled before they pass on. And i definitely know that time is running short. If i don't run faster, it's not going to just be their regrets but mine as well.

Filial Piety. Sigh.

2009-01-12T01:45:00.002+08:00

I know what it meant to hold on to the people you bring into the work, but it is only right here right now that i understood what it meant to see someone once important in your life revert back to the place where there is no light, a place where life is petty, about the superfluous things that is not called life.

It is a kind of pain numbed over time, that lingers around even as everything moves on, as time waits for no one. The hurt and pain of being so alive when you know others around you are not, the anger at the stupidity of the world, of how they are blinded to the essence, the marrow and source of what makes one feel alive and live life to the fullest.

But hell. Life goes on, whatever decisions that each of us make.

Just another rant.

I guess i kind of know what the fuck am i doing here.

2008-10-05T00:41:00.003+08:00

It's amazing how time flies when you least expect it.
9 months have passed, just like that.
Well, 10 months in fact, but my mind still lingers in that 9 months frame.

Stepping in at the beginning was one of nonchalance.
Aloofness of not knowing anyone.
Of being away for more than a year.
And a horseriding camp that almost killed the entire show.

But the show didn't get culled.
On it went.
And in I went with it.
Challenges arise to cope with boredom.
Xmas Party. CSing.
The rise began.
And out came comfort in being self.
Managing C and being S.
Energies still scattered.
3 wandered off, lost forever.
Blank Cheque #1.
But onward we moved, steps getting heavier.

A quarter paid, a boot earned.
The start of the unforgettable.
For me at least.
Splitting halves and pitting against each other.
Group processes that integrated the scattered.
In that moment the show started.
Of ONE WAVE.
Expression. Beingness. Leading. Flow.
Pop. Out of the dream and downwards we went.
Eggs thrown. Numbers i don't remember.
But i know: 2 eggs were thrown and chances gone.
The show didn't end cuz off we ran with the booty.
Blank Cheque #2.
Cooked up a storm, yes a STORM.
PL Tests. Laughter.
Wave leader.
And no turning back.

1st quarter spent and onward we moved, with renewed vigour.
Discipline process - off balance it went.
Open up i tried.
It all ends with failures and breakdowns.
Quickly it changes, a wave coach i became.
All in the name of good fun.
GM. JEL.
POS. Fire. Compassion. Pain.
Changes abound.

2nd quarter paid.
Dreams came. Straight wires too.
We moved. BTW.
Screwups. Renovations. New office party.
Atlas Shrugged. Sighs. Incomplete. No shadows to watch.

2nd quarter spent.
We had to move on.
Scary though, how the start quickly ends.
One more quarter: To spend or not to spend?
That's the question.
No, it will be spent anyway.
Time doesn't stop with your decision.
Time never stays, but it never really goes either.
Ironically.

Shifts were obvious.
But it had to hold. Nonetheless.
Spirit and essence were gone before the end.
Some thought the end just didn't come fast enough.
Some didn't want it to end.
Some were still unaware.
Trudging along, steps heavier.

In a flash, impulsively we paid the 3rd.
Strategy. Warcraft?
And came the koan.
Lingered the wkend.
Conscious dinner. Booty. AGAIN?
Screwed. Almost.
THE END.

Incomplete?????? Yes.
Got it. Sure not.
Frames of 9 months.
Get it?

The deeper you go, the more you get.
Double in fact, it turns and bite.
Both the good and bad.
That's why it's called BALANCE.
Ironically.
It's hard. So DAMN hard.

In the end they all mean nothing.
In the dust of time.
Memories fade.... (Do they really?)
And all that's left is NOW and AFTER.

You think so?
MEMORIES exist as CUTs.
Serving the reminder of time.
Of past.
Overwhelming it is.
But move on, yes move on.
When will it ever go???
Think again.

2007-12-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

Half a year has passed since the last entry.

During this period, a friendship painstaking forged in France soured towards the end of June, whilst this term had been pretty uneventful in adjusting back to the hectic demands of the rat race.

A long-term r/s has also ended, with relief perhaps. Carrying someone else's baggage can really weigh one down.

It felt like a period of lost consciousness, a kite gone astray.

But also gladness as a buddy held on tightly, providing unconditional support in bringing back consciousness.

My world has expanded greatly, a new-found purpose in life beckons.

What comes after money, personal success? I've found my answer.

Together are 16 other diverse individuals whom i know would brave whatever untold danger and difficult times that lies ahead. In the next 9 months and in this lifetime, and perhaps eternity. A bond unbreakable by our code of honor, a bond close to our hearts.

I can finally learn to connect to people at a deeper level, and found a deeper meaning to life with life coaching. Discovered my crave for solitude, for freedom, for intimacy.

The person who i will mark as my equal, worthy of what lies beneath would be a function of time, and luck.

Expanding in different dimensions, no more significance than a speck of dust, how will i find my place in the world? A place that is my own, and not of others.

What lies ahead are obstacles, visible and invisible to the naked eye, to the naked heart. But having pledged to go on this journey, the only comfort lies in watching my progress from day 1.

Unsure of the breakdowns that will strike at random, and painful that might be, would be the only way to grow, to reach my goals with greater certainty.

But i'm excited.

2007-06-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

Man, it's exam time! The past 3 weeks have been a real killer, with so many projects due at the same time and a last minute final project for e-business that constitute 100% of our final grade due within 1 week, as well as 2 exams on 5 & 7 june, with a full day class on the 6th...what a way to spend ur bdae...grr! And the first half of last week was just spent doing my proj for logistics for 2 days straight, and financial engineering for the whole of the third day, sleeping only at 6am and waking up at 8am for presentation...WTH! Just when i thot SMU was mad cuz everything was due at the last min, ESSEC is even more shocking, sometimes even aiming to kill us! haha...could finally breathe a sigh of relief last thurs after the last lesson of the term...

Anyhow, i'm still behind on updating my blog..cuz whatever i'm blogging rite now is gg to be from end of last month...:(

Summer in Paris is weird as well as disgusting. You see flies moving around in groups all the time, and if you don't avoid them, they'll just fly into you and get stuck on your clothes...not only do they not have a sense of direction, but their reaction is super slow..just one swat and they'll all be exterminated! But the thing is that there's so many of them around that looking at their numbers just makes your hair stand on its ends...Also, the sun only sets at 10pm and rises at 6am...so it's bright all the time. THough the day is longer, but it's tiring cuz you can't really go to bed when it's so bright at night, and the sun rises so early in the morning that there's no choice but to wake early too...

I'll be kinda relieved when i leave paris i guess..hope there are not too many flies in italy or spain...but guess will miss the memories and gd times here...but i'll ponder about it on thurs, when i finish my final exams!

Right, now here are more pics from a party in sch as well as the belgium trip:

This was the last party of the term at ESSEC, 24th may...Seems pretty early for a last party huh...when the term only ends a month later...but whatever, we just went for some relaxation. Above is a pic of me and mic with the geopolitics prof, Mr Nestorovic. Quite a funky guy, hardly see a prof who would hang out with students in the sch bar, Foy's...He's extremely knowlegeable as well...he knows stuff that you've never ever heard of...cheerios to the prof who changed our perspective immensely in terms of politics, human rights etc...SMU should consider employing him...

More international students: Kaixin, me, mic, ann and david..

Went to brugges in belgium next day after the party, it was about 9pm when we arrived, but see how it seems only like 6pm? This pic was taken on our way to the hostel...

Supposed to be one of the 14 famous hostels in europe...but i don't find it that great...mayb it's the bar that they have downstairs that's popular...their breakfast variety suck though..

Markt Square...the busiest gathering places in brugges, feels abit like Dam square in amsterdam though...but the buildings here are much more picturesque...don't ya think?

Belfry tower...another landmark in Brugges with one of the oldest clock tower and 300 odd steps to reach to the top...din go for that cuz you need to pay to go up...plus i'm sick of views of the top! The square within the tower looks pretty gd enough though...

The postal office i think...horse-drawn carriages are a common feature in belgium, a form of transport for those staying in 5 star hotels...u see the horses peeing and shitting all over the place though...euh..

THis building is pretty nice, but i can't remember what it is...

One of the chocolatiers in Brugge...think it's Truffle Huis...All their chocs are extremely innovative and interesting...just look at this and you will see: breasts wearing bras...looks pretty authentic huh...
A chocolatier that specializes only in truffles...loved their chocs but too bad i only bot 1 box...their prices are pretty ex compared to the other shops...

This is the place where you will fall in love with beer...whether you were a beer fan or not. The beers are all flavored, ranging from cherry beer to raspberry, peach, banana, apples, chocolate, pineapple beers etc...Really an eye-opening sight...They sell all types of beer that you've ever seen...
In the bottle shop...

Bought like 12 bottles of beer in total...

Bought the fries in meat sauce and bicky burger from this stand outside Belfry tower...Quite a nice experience to eat standing beside the stand, but too bad it was rainy then...and i prefer the beef chilli cheese fries from Carl's Junior...

Till next time :)

2007-05-30T04:33:00.000+08:00

Alrighty, this is part 2 of amsterdam:

On our first night in Amsterdam, we were in search of Nam Kee, a cantonese restaurant that Mic's friend celine recommended to us...for that famous roasted duck rice that we craved...but we couldn't find it after like more than half an hour's search n we were all starving, so we went to the next best restaurant we saw: nam tian restaurant...From the left: Johannes, Tim Hui, Jovia, Kx, Me, Mic & Tim John...the reason for so many people travelling to amsterdam together was because jovia's bdae was on 18th may...

Her friends from HKUST on exchange in netherlands, Kevin and Joe, came to join us as well and bought cakes for her bdae...the owners of the restaurant gave her a huge ice-cream combo with a sparkler on top of it as well...

After dinner, we meet up with more int'l students from ESSEC, people like Eugen, Monica, David and Sara. Eugen, whose home uni is in netherlands, brought us around the red light district in amsterdam. We saw scenes that were obscene and degrading, cuz the prostitutes were housed side by side in rooms with a transparent door and neon lights, and they stood by the transparent doors showing their wares and trying to attract customers to have sex with them...

There were also many "coffeeshops" along the red light district, selling magic mushrooms and marijuana. Apparently everyone smokes that in Amsterdam, so you actually see alot of people looking stoned n behaving weirdly..

Went to St. Christopher's Inn for drinks after the tour...Amsterdam is just all about beer, beer and more beer...so we ordered drinks and started playing games...Each of us poured a little of our drinks and mixed it in a glass, then started playing cards, supposed to take a card and guess whether it was red or black, if it was right, u can get people to drink from their own glass and if wrong, u will drink from your own glass. After which, u put the opened card on top of the glass of drinks we mixed with 2 edges on the outside...so as more cards are being piled, it will go outwards until the cards collapses when one card is put on top and the loser will have to down the entire glass!

A demostration against Musharaff, some country's dictator for his oppression of a chief judge who was against him...in the middle of dam square, the heart of amsterdam...

Finally found the Nam Kee that we were looking for....on the last day...we had it for both lunch and dinner, how mad can it get ??

Duck Noodle Soup!!

Duck Rice

Went to this bar near our hotel, something outback, must be australian...the music was damn gd (better than zouk!)...wonder if it means that clubbing in australia is fun?? Anyway we had quite a bit to drink...

This is mic on a high~~

Another pic of the two of them on a high...really laughed ourselves out watching their silly antics while they were drunk...

Some random pic of the unglam tim john washing dishes...look at the kind of shoes that he was wearing and notice the holes in them....haha

2007-05-23T17:54:00.000+08:00

Man, haven't been blogging for so long that my tag board has been removed! But it has been a bz time this past month, had 2 important presentations, been to Nice, Amsterdam and just came back from Belgium yesterday...

Now that there's barely 1 mth to end of term, and i'm be back in singapore in 2 over months, i'm kinda reluctant to leave...wishing that i can do an extra term in ESSEC, even though trying to do a pass/fail term is kinda sian and aimless...but you do get alot of exposure studying overseas...i bet i know more about the EU than i know about Asia right now, after doing european economics and geopolitics...all that stuff about religions, ethnic minorities, human rights...

But in ESSEC, trying to pass a course can be pretty daunting as well, u're graded upon 20 and 10 is pass grade, but there are courses that you actually hear people failing...and that is pretty scary taking into account we only want to pass and not get top or anything la...last term there was this girl taking international marketing and she failed both presentation and final exam...and for the e-business that i'm taking right now, alot of people failed that last sem...and me n mic are kinda scared even though we're probably one of the hardworking ones...haha

Everyone else from smu doing exchange are probably missing hell lot of classes and travelling most of the time, contrary to us cuz the standard in ESSEC is considered pretty high in France or even Europe..must make sure we do pass man...hehe

Well enuff said, let's go thru some events for the past month:

Went to Musee Rodin on 6 May, the first sunday of the month...Entrance to most museums are free on the first sunday of the month, and i just learnt that shops are opened on the 1st sunday as well! (Well, shops in europe are typically closed on sundays...argh!)

Then i went to Chateau Auvers with my french language teacher on 11 May, which portrays the impressionist period in france. Auvers-sur-oise was also the place at which Vincent Van Gogh spent the last year of his life before committing suicide at the coffeehouse below his place at the age of 37...
In Auvers-sur-oise, we walked to places where van gogh painted his art pieces like Mairie D'Auvers, Le Jardin de Daubigny, L'Eglise de Auvers (shown above), La pluie, and La Champ de ble aux corbeaux etc....could really feel the atmosphere which he painted, esp his last piece of the wheat fields in the stormy, gloomy weather and crows flying about, painted just days b4 he died....
We visited his grave at the cemetery as well, apparently he committed suicide cuz his brother Theodore, whom he was extremely closed to , got married and so he was lost becuz he sorta lost his brother to the new wife...he was disillusioned and had mental probs...was committed to a mental facility and finally committed suicide in 1890. But it was kind of amazing how he managed to paint so well and become so famous within the span of 10 years of painting without any prior art background...An interesting fact is that his brother passed away just 6 mths after vincent died, if you read the gravestones clearly...

This field trip was so sad and meaningful that it got me into gg to the Van Gogh musuem in Amsterdam...:)

This is amsterdam...was there from 16-20th may, and above are statues of Rembrandt and his cronies (kidding, not sure what it is, but must be sth he painted i guess), we stayed in the hotel just next to it...

Another thing not to be missed is the Heineken experience in Amsterdam...cuz that was the origin of Heineken beer and it's interested to see how it is made, experience urself as a bottle of heineken, the history, and the experience of drinking 3 glasses of beer (for me it was 3 glasses within 1/2 hr...madness! cuz we went in only 1 hr b4 closing) and a surprise at the end...overall it should be a must go... but not too late a time ya...haha

Chilling out with a glass of heineken at the bar
The Heineken bar...Does this scene look a bit like it's from an advert?

Oh ya, we found this interesting monument after we visited the Anne Frank House (another must go! - it is like the evidence towards the holocaust of the jews which some people are vehemently trying to deny now, so that it will not exist in history!). What's so interesting about this homomonument is that it commemorates all men and women ever oppressed and persecuted because of their homosexuality. It also supports the lesbian and gay movement in their struggle against contempt, discrimination and oppression. Demostrates that we're not alone and calles for permanent vigilance. Below is a pic of the homomonument with past, present and future being represented by the 3 sides of the triangle.

The I amsterdam sign in front of some museum near the van gogh musee...

2007-04-13T17:48:00.000+08:00

Finally back from the land of exhiliaration, wonder & fear all mixed into one! After one week in switzerland, i was pretty much looking forward to getting back to my cosy little apartment back in France, which is now more home to me than anything else...

For the impatient readers, beware! Cuz this is gonna be the longest entry by far, recounting every single detail of my maiden skiing experience up in Zermatt, and quirky little things that came my way whilst i was travelling:

The first twist of inconvenience came about when we enquired about the train schedule from Geneva up to Zermatt. The train journey typically takes about 4 hrs, and to save money on accomodation, jovia and i though we could take the overnight train using our e-ticket that was valid on 06 apr. With growing dismay, we discovered that there was no overnight train to zermatt, the schedule that seemed like overnight journey to zermatt actually meant we take the last train to visp, and take the first train out from visp to zermatt = a night of waiting at an open air train station! But since our ticket was only valid for that day, there was no way we could do that, not that i wanted to anyway!

The implication meant that we had to get to zermatt on 6 apr itself and try to find accomodation for that night or stay at the zermatt train station for the night, as jovia was more inclined to! But i love myself more than my money to let that happen, there was no way i'm gg to stay overnight at a train station again, as we did the night before catching the plane to Geneva, cuz Paris Orly was almost 2 hours away from Cergy and we had an early flight...That was already a mistake, to be discussed in the next entry.

The moment we got to Zermatt train station, i was determined than ever to find a place to stay for the night whatever the price is, cuz there were no seats at the train station and i was sure that i would freeze to death at the open train station.

We approached like about 10 hotels near the train station but none of them had an available room, being easter weekend...grr...jovia wasn't really that eager to approach the hotels (to my irritation) as she still wanted to save money...

Finally we came to Alphubel Hotel, the place that we had booked 4 nights with...but of course they also had no room for the night (tough luck - we later found out that all hotels in zermatt were booked for that night!), and i had to do the most malu-ating thing on earth, or risk staying out in the cold - With jovia's suggestion, i approach the hotel with reluctance to ask if we could just sit in their lounge for the night as we really couldn't find a place to stay. Although the guy said "i cannot refuse you", that didn't make me feel better cuz it was such an embarrassing thing to do!

Aniwae, i quickly left the hotel and settled for dinner at the Swiss Chalet (i was in no mood to look for restaurants though i was hungry, my mood was pretty dark then)

And my mood wasn't improved by the fact that there were no tables available such that we could only take seats at the bar...But luck started to change when the food we ordered turned out to be the best i've eaten in Europe so far...and that the service provided by the waitress there was second to none, they made us feel really welcome when i was in a foul mood!

I loved their decor as well, the cows, shot glasses, and basically, all things swiss. They nv fail to put smiles to ur face with their excellence service and friendliness.

Even the toilets look so welcoming, esp the cowie toilet roll holder..

As my mood was slowly improving (i tried not to think about what awaited us next, the prospect of staying in the lounge), another good piece of news lifted my mood considerably --> the owner of the family bed & breakfast hotel decided to go out of his way to open the living room and put in 2 beds for us to sleep comfortably (above), and he didn't even charge us a single cent, except for 25 swiss francs for breakfast buffet the next morning! It was really a horrible night turned wonderful!

We were allowed to check in the moment we woke up at ard 10, so nice of him! I must say that the swiss are really hospitable pple! Above is the view from our room number 10 in the hotel.

Our twin room in Hotel Alphubel

The welcome stand at Zermatt train station

Zermatt Train Station

The sports arena at the Zermatt Town

Can you see a parachuter in yellow?

Credit Suisse is really global to be here in the small town of Zermatt!
Our choice of restaurant for dinner the 2nd day, that specializes in Fondues and Mexican food!

I had enchiladas

Jovia had shrimp salad

08 Apr - The first day of our ski lessons, also Easter Sunday, hence the Chocolate Easter bunny and a red easter egg for us on the breakfast table. Even the serviette is folded into the shape of the bunny! But we had breakfast at an early time of 7.30am, which was eaten in a rush as we had to go rent our ski equipment (costing about 110 swiss francs for 3 days), and be at the cable car station to meet our instructor at 9am.

On the first day of the course, we went up to Trockener Steg, part of Matterhorn - it was a beginner's slope where we learnt the basics of skiing: walking down the slope with our ski boots, then putting on the skis and walking on the snow with it, side stepping up the slope to learn to snow plough down as well as complete some obstacles.

Me standing beside a rope that you had to hold on to, to get to the top of the slope. But it takes pretty much a lot of energy to hold on to the rope, cuz the rope is low to cater to the kids, and the rope keeps slipping off my gloves, so gotta hold tight.

End of 1st day ski lessons : That's us waiting for the huge ski lift to bring us down to take the cable cars down to Zermatt town.

That's the ski lift! It's interesting to note that in switzerland, clocks are everywhere, since they are the makers of the precision of time, this is no exception even in the ski lift...haha

Day 2: On skis but without the sticks cuz Craig, our 23 year old scottish instructor, reckons that it will only hamper our progress as it makes us reliant on the ski sticks to move. We learnt to do turns mainly on the 2nd day, cuz it's hard to snow plough all the way down a steep slope, it's better to do turns to reduce the speed n go smoothly down the slope...

My course mate, Kristen with the instructor Craig, who looks like he's proposing to her. But actually no, it's just that the shins hurt cuz the boots are too tight and esp when u lean ur shins alot on the boot when u ski...mine hurt alot too! :(

Having a snow picnic down on the ski slopes for lunch, with the fruits and yoghurt we nicked from breakfast table in the hotel....hehe

Actually there was no need to wear thick jackets for skiing, cuz it gets pretty hot from the sun despite the snow...I pespired more than other sports i've done when i skiied man....just a windbreaker to protect you from injuries when u slip on the slopes will do...

The place where we hanged out for breaks and lunches

We went up to higher slopes after lunch using the T-bar, to practise all that we had learnt so far

But halfway up the slope on the t-bar with lily, we both fell off cuz she held on too tight on the bar in the middle with both hands when u're supposed to do it with one...and you're supposed to lean and not sit on the bar which she did...plus we needed to lean on our shins for balance...all these did not happen, so we lost balance and fell halfway...dratz! And so i decided to take pics instead.... Another restaurant we went to on the third day, can't remember the name though, but we had dinner at like 5 plus cuz we were so famished from skiing! Aniwae, jovia had smoked salmon salad,
And i had prawn kebabs with mustard garlic sauce and rice...Then the chef asked us why we were having prawns and not swiss specialities like fondues and rosti? My answer was cuz i felt like having prawns, then he said that we shoudn't have had prawns cuz they are not european thing, the prawns in europe all come from prawn farms in Asia...So i learnt something new that night, no wonder the supermarkets in france sell salted and cooked prawns...no wonder i couldn't find raw prawns ard...haha

Day 3 Ski Lessons: We went up on a blue run, also known as a medium/hard slope on Sunnega. The slopes were damn steep and narrow, and i must have fell like 20 times or more that day, as compared to once or twice the first 2 days...bleahz...it showed me how my turns were still not as perfect and we practised on steep slopes the whole day to get the hang of it but it was so scary at first that i still kinda haf nightmares about steep slope...esp when i actually flew off one of the slopes down a few metres when i couldn't control my speed on turning..It's bruises and aches all over now...even the butt hurts from sitting down cuz of all that falling....Above is a snowmobile we saw while we were having lunch...

The restaurant on the mountains that we had lunch at

Sun tanning time! It's really hot up the mountains!

Us with the instructor...Lone survivors of the course, we were the only 3 pple who completed the course...One dropped out after the 1st day and another one dropped out the 2nd day

At the peak of Sunnega, for the last ski down the slopes!

2007-03-29T16:56:00.000+08:00

This is the 3rd installment of the Bordeaux Trip, which consisted mainly of a wine-tasting tour in the Medoc regions of Bordeaux, the wine capital of France.

We visited 2 chateaus, namely Chateau Aney and Chateau Giscones, famous for their wine appellations of Merlot:

Posing with a giant size wine bottle outside the chateau...Every single chateau ard the area seems to have such an icon.

Oak barrels used to mature to wine in. It is believed that barrels made from oak in western europe is the best, followed by eastern europe and finally america and auctions usually take place for possession of wine barrels. First growth (cru) wine growers a.k.a the top wine chateaus typically use the barrels for 1-2 seasons before selling them to wine growers in Australia and so on to ensure top quality of wine.

Wine shop within the chateau

Wine tasting session: It would have had been better if there was cheese though.

Walkway leading to another beautiful chateau

In the fields with the crops. Being winter, the vines are still short and unripe, we don't see grapes growing on it at all.

This chateau is definitely gorgeous!

Yet another wine tasting session

Masterpieces from the kids of our group!

Flushed and on the high after 3 glasses of wine!

2007-03-23T05:56:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be such an exciting weekend, cuz i'm gg shopping in Paris after class tmr & we're headed for Paris Disneyland on sat @ half price..*clap clap*...It's pretty amazing how i have not done any shopping for 2 weeks (not grocery shopping of course!), and i'm getting really restless for some real bit of shopping!! Nana reckons that i'm crazy, but i'm not the only one it seems. Mic is more eager for some real shopping than i am. Having not shop for so long, she actually tried to do some shopping online, on victoria secrets. See! I'm not that much of a die-hard shopper when there's someone even more desperate for shopping than i am. But i guess we're the true blue singaporean shopoholics...Don't think any of the other exchange students are so into shopping as us though...*grins*

Alright, since there's time now, i'll post up the 2nd installment of photos from Bordeaux of our 2nd day there!

We took a tram to the heart of the city of Bordeaux, Quinconces & Grand Theatre to explore the 'busiest' area of Bordeaux on the 2nd day:

This is the maison du homme or sth lidat, and the place we first found the boutique of Longchamp, whose bags mic was dying to buy cuz it's their home brand and supposed to be cheap!

But it was their wine shops that dazzled me the most, selling some of their homegrown wines and apertifs, as well as stuff to go with them , like fois gras...

My masterpiece: quite proud of it cuz anum & jovia had always wanted one, and i did it! yay!!

Man, i really love their streets, surrounded by the ancient buildings and cobblestones path, what can i say?

Parade Square @ Rue de Catherine, the building's supposed to be a bank...Don't ask me what the statue's all abt cuz i have no idea...they have so many of such things all over France!

Coffee place along Rue du Catherine, had smoothie and their choco-cookie drink..esp yummy & shiok in the cold weather...

The gang of four!

Pey Berland Cathedral, pretty place...which anum mistook for Notre Dame Cathedral. She can't read the map for nuts! Fancy bringing us from the Pey Berland along rue du catherine up to Grand Theatre and back again...OMG!

Chapelet that leads us to the hidden Notre Dame Cathedral...i'm not alone in the pic :) I seriously love their architecture!

In the square of the chapelet

Exiting the chapelet, which looks damn gorgeous can?

The real Notre Dame Cathedral of Bordeaux...Looks kinda disappointing though....It's funny how we find cathedrals all over the place, but truth is that the attendance rate is only 10-15% of catholics :(

At the centre of Quinconces, where we were so lucky to have come at a time where they were holding a carnival (below)!

After a tiring long day, they still have the energy to act retarded...Above is anum making a pig face of herself and below are the 2 of them acting seriously retarded!! Haha...

So long as there's wine, i'm blissful! Bordeaux Wines!!

Top & bottom: A great job of intoxicating herself with my wines isn't it? Really spices up my life..

Stoned after a long day

So long, till next time!!! Au revoir...

2007-03-14T07:16:00.000+08:00

It's 1225am in France, & i just got back from Modern Jazz class which took place from 9-11pm. It makes me wonder which crazy streak in me prompted the attendance of a dance class that is so unlike my character, acting like some kind of lunatic screaming and dancing in an agile manner as part of a dance routine...IT was REALLY crazy & hilarious, coming to think about it...

It's been years since i last stepped into the dance studio (which is like back in nanyang girls'), can still remember the torturous exercises and dance steps we had to do in dance class, and there was no escaping it cuz it was part of the curriculum...damn! haha...But it was definitely interesting and exciting to watch others carry out the dance routine though...Bring it on!!

As promised, here are the pics when we arrived at Bordeaux the first day. The hotel was just located opposite the station and as soon as we settled down, we got down to exploring the area:

Left view of the Gare de Saint Jean station from the hotel room and that, is what the city tram in Bordeaux looks like, it operates throughout the entire city of Bordeaux and it's extremely new and clean.

Right view of the Gare de Saint Jean station from the hotel room

The hotel we resided in

One of the churches we came upon: I think it's St Michel

Outside the theatre

Trying to balance on the stone barriers

Pey-Berland Cathedral

Loving the streets of Bordeaux

Anum with her daily dose of choc crepes

Enjoying my strawberry glace (ice-cream)

The 3 of them grooving to irreplaceable, if only i could show the video...

2007-03-13T07:49:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be a happening weekend, cuz it's MR500!!!
Kinda missing the SMU Dragons in Singapore,
The sense of excitement all of you must be feeling right now,
And how this is gonna be like the first race i'm missing out with you gals/guys since i joined,
As well as new additions to the team that i have not got to know :(

This race is gonna be radically different from previous races,
Esp since weiling as replaced me as left pacer and will be doing the race as pacer for the first time officially,
And that joan is no longer rowing for the team,
But i'm sure weiling and peifen will make good partners ya,
Since they used to be partners previously...
I kinda miss the word 'pei-cers' though,
Imagining what kind of hilarious names this pair would give themselves...

Whateva it is,
Jiayou for MR500!!
Hunger and desire is the key for intention to glory for SMU
All eyes would be watching carefully what SMU DB is made of after the last race,
It's a chance to show the prowess of the new exco,
The last effort for the seniors to shine and realize their desires,
So focus on your own act and not what others are thinking of you,
As the initiated 'conscious' would know by now...
Bring out the fire in you and overcome all odds!!

I'll be rooting for you guys here in france!!

Missing & Loving you all...:)

2007-03-06T05:18:00.000+08:00

Time to blog again!! Esp when it's only french tv here and there's nth else to do everytime i come back...Muz go rent some videos soon!!

This time it's for sunday...We decided to go to Montmarte for this beautiful church (below):

This was the view from the bottom of the church...Doesn't it look magnificant? It was a great number of steps to take before we reach the top...Seems like we really gotta work for the good things in life huh...

Feeling kinda lazy when we were 1/4 up...decided to take some photos 1st!!

Practically ran up the steps all the way to the top cuz mic was in need of the toilettes...The close up view when we reached the top from a greatly needed workout...

And this, is the view from top down...Looking pretty huh...That's claire taking her own sweet time up the steps!!

The sense of achievement of reaching the top...Look at the glorious sight!!

At Montmarte, there was this area where painters put up their art pieces for sale...Many tourists come to this place during the weekends to buy art pieces or get their portraits drawn.

I definitely have to come back and get my portrait drawn too!

This guy's paintings are really good and is one of the most expensive among the artists...An A3 size painting cost about 650 euros and an A5 one about 120 euros!! My fav is of course the most ex one too...bleahz
This guy's paintings are good as well, but the prices are much cheaper...There was this american family that bought 3 A5-sized pieces for 100 euros and an A3 one for 150 euros...Pretty good deal huh...
His pieces are good as well, and the sincerity that oozes out of him when you talk to him about his pieces just makes it hard to tell him that we'll get it next time...Man, if only we could pay by credit card!!

Though they paint similar things, they have a style of their own that's irresistible and definitely in a class of their own...I need sponsors for my paintings!!

Pretty eating place in Montmarte

A busker playing his double bass outside the above restaurant...How quaint!

Decided to go to Champs Elysees again next, cuz Mic's a Catholic and she needs to go to the St. Joseph's Church for mass...But as it was still early, we decided to walk from Concorde, which must be about 2km or more from the Champs Elysees!! No kidding, but we really walked till the legs could break...

However, we went to this garden that led to The Lourve Museum first:

At the park watching ducks and kids playing sail boats

Random Shots taken out of boredom while watching ducks and boats

Standing @ the gateway to The Lourve Museum

Evening View of Effiel Tower from the garden leading to The Lourve

2007-03-05T05:52:00.000+08:00

Weekend's here again, and this time, instead of touring the various famed sights of Paris, we've decided to go to the annual International Agricultural Fair that happens from 03-11 Mar...

It was something similar to the quarterly IT fairs we have in Singapore, except that instead of letting you know the latest gadgets that's in the market, we have domestic & farm animals for show and sale, latest farming equipment...

Student Tickets to the Agriculture Fair costs: 6 Euros

THe fair sells goats/sheeps,

Pigs,

cows, whether live or dead...as well as their by-products: cheese..

Poor animals being chained up, but we took pictures with them aniwae..

Does that cow look like me? Kinda hostile huh..

That's a real docile cow...

Looking at horses just make me feel so excited, can't wait for the first horseriding lesson man!

Outside the Agri-fair...It's actually held in a place similar to Singapore Expo

After a long day at the expo, we headed for the Paris Chinatown after, and amazing got ourselves the sauces we've been missing, like oyster sauce, soya sauce and sesame oill...There were lotsa Asian food and spices that, but they were all pretty exhorbitant!

Couldn't take it after Chinatown, decided to head home for dinner in bed instead...hehe

Tired but awake peeps having some fun!

Tired travellers at the Charles De Gaulle-Etoile Station

Jovia and Claire are really tired...fell asleep the moment they got on the train :)

These 2 are obviously faking sleep...Can u tell?

Trying to fake sleep as well, but mic refuses to...haha!

2007-03-04T18:22:00.000+08:00

Party time dudeS! We went for our first ESSEC party on Fri night, sporting the theme of disco & aerobics...

Party Poster!

Before going out...

Party in the School's Grand Hall..

Sisters!!

Making Silly faces!!

Looking kinda high...Mic hasn't drunk anything yet...

Grooving to the music..

Drinks time!! The booze doesn't taste so good though :(

Dancing to YMCA!

They can dance really well huh..

With our light sticks...

2007-03-02T18:40:00.000+08:00

Another free day for us yesterday, and we headed for this intersection between St Michel Boulevard & St Germain Boulevard: The latin quarter, where it is known to have nice and cheap eats..

It was 2 plus in the afternoon when we got there, and we were famished! Being the typical Singaporeans we were, we decided to look for an eating place with the most patrons. "Le Bistrot 30' " was chosen:

We ordered from this 10 euros lunch menu:

Starters: French onion soup & Pork Pate

Main Course: Beef & Grilled chicken Leg

For Dessert: Michaela had Chocolate Mousse,

And i had an apple tart...

Despite the fact that we looked kind of happy with the food, truth is, the food sux! It was either not tasty enough, or too sweet etc, although portions look big n deceiving..

Looks like the Singaporean mentality that many patrons = good food cannot be used here!

The only saving grace though was it's quaint decor:

We were much happier after we left the Bistro, but Michaela was freezing cold cuz she only wore 2 layers...that's why we huddled together and walked...haha

Some sights we saw along the way:

Flower shop
I'm definitely gonna buy chocolates from here! They look so yummy and all, shall have my chocolat chaud as well :)

We went to like 2 bookshops before coming to Shakespeare and Company, and all the other bookstores sell french books only! How annoying, wasn't able to find a book for bedtime reading, until we came across this quaint little store.

The couple standing in front of the store looking so romantic and all? They started kissing right after we took the picture. It's funny how kissing is like a french obsession? They can just stop anytime, any place, just so to kiss...We see that very commonly everywhere we go...haha

Interior of the Bookstore: Notice the picture below that there are small little stairs leading up to the 2nd storey? How cute!

By the time we finish with picking out our books, it was already 7 plus, time to head home so that we catch the shuttle in time! We ran to school the moment we reached the train station and this is a picture of us after we got on the bus, after the run...

Again, we displayed the singaporean in us, running for the bus when everyone else was casually walking to the bus...bleahz

2007-02-28T19:00:00.000+08:00

Here's some of the stuff i bought in paris so far:

I didn't expect that Paris was gonna be that cold so didn't bring much for clothes for the cold weather....I bot the hoodie and sweater from H&M for like 20 euros each....last sat

As for the souvenir coasters, i got it from the flea market on one end of Paris at 3 for 10 euros on sun, not sure if that's supposed to be cheap!

Oh ya, michaela was saying that she likes clothes with the metal label thingy and it's cool coz this one has it, with the words " Label of Graded Goods", like some kind of authentication for branded goods!

Here are the stuff that i bot just yesterday: The red hoodie for 3.99 euros, t-shirt for 14.95 euros (i like the design) , the green/white sweater for 9.99 euros, all from Berksha, and this cool sling bag for 24.95 euros....

It's really a cheap bargain buying stuff @ Berksha, i'll be happy if their turnover of collections are high! Hehe :)

2007-02-28T03:21:00.000+08:00

This is is such a slack week, I have totally no classes at all, but couldn't do any travelling coz train tickets are extremely expensive the nearer it is to travel date. But Michaela and I went to the SNCF today and got tickets to Bordeaux for next week! Haha, things are starting to heat up around here, but we spent like 70 euros each for the tix...bleahz

Aniwae, we went to Central Paris again, since there was nothing to do. We did lotsa of shopping, at Chatelet de Halles, and there were pretty cheap buys at this French Store "Berksha". I bot this red hooded pullover for only 3.99 euros, that's pretty cheap huh...In france, the people are really lazy, shops are not opened at all on Sundays, and we wasted time travelling to Chatelet for nth just last Sunday!
We also walked to the famed Notre Dame Cathedral, it's really grand and beautiful..All throughout the visit, i was wondering why i don't see the hunchback Notre Dame, and it turned out to be that it was just a story, Notre Dame just referred to this guy who stayed at the Cathedral, that's why they named it after him...

We did quite a bit of aimless walking, and came upon quite a number of beautiful sights...I suppose you really discover more that u bargained for when there's nth particular in mind...

Oh ya, something funny happened at the train station: Michaela couldn't get thru the ticket gates at the station cuz her ticket wasn't walking. In the end, i got in first and she refused to jump over the gates like people who don't pay do cuz she was too shy...The first time she tried she couldn't get over and hit her knees, then she decided to try buying another ticket again, but she didn't know how to operate the machine cuz it's all french..In the end she tried jumping over another time and got over, but she hit her right knee again...Haha, and she looked so embarrassed man!

Picture time!

Somewhere near Porte Berger

View of Castle & Effiel Tower

Paris Court of Justice

Notre Dame Cathedral (Front view)

Notre Dame (Side View)

Bridge on the side of Notre Dame (Looks like Venice huh)

Notre Dame (back view)

Near Porte du Ville (Observe the Stone Rocket behind)

2007-02-25T08:17:00.000+08:00

Today's a pretty eventful day. Went to Central Paris with like 4 other girls. We visited Champs Elysees and the Effiel Tower. It was kinda hilarious walking to the Effiel Tower, coz we were just following the general direction of the Tower and couldn't see the Effiel Tower when we were near it coz of blockage by the buildings. Michaela was saying like " I hope we'll find the Effiel Tower when we turn the corner" & Voila! The huge tower appeared right it front of us the moment we turned the corner!

Met up with Roshni as well.. Oh god, she's really doing lotsa travelling, going to barcelona, london, dublin and i think denmark! How i envy her! But seems like she doesn't know Paris/France very well, coz she travels too much...haha

Next, we went to Chantelet de Halles, the shopping district in Paris, and we got kinda lost..coz we had finish our credits on the french sim card and need to recharge..we took almost one hour to find The Phone House, coz the whole building was underground and had up to 4 underground levels. We din know whether - 4 was below -3 floor or above, coz we're not sure whether it's a dash or minus sign...but i think we're experts in Chantelet now...Shopped a bit as well..

There was also the Notre Dame, where we went for dinner in this Parkistani Indian Restaurant...the food's really nice, though we had to wait for like half and hour...

Went to Bastille as well, the clubbing area of Paris...chilled out in this mexican bar which was really nice...Had all types of wines and champagne, since it was produced in France and was pretty cheap. As usual though, my face turned beet red after drinking that they all though i was obviously high/drunk when i'm not! It's just good blood circulation, otherwise, how do you think i'm sober enough to be blogging now...Haha

It was pretty scary coming back to Cergy - our apartments was like 20 mins from the train station and we couldn't catch the last 2 cabs available...You have no idea how lazy the french are...you hardly get to see cabs in the suburbs at night...And it got pretty scary coz we were whistled at by 2 bunch of guys...We thought we wouldn't be able to get home safe and sound man..Walked to a police station in the end to wait till the guys had left, then continued our way home...Finally home safe and sound...Gonna get some sleep...Till next time!

Let the pictures speak for themselves:

On the Metro

Champs Elysees

MacDonald's

Effiel Tower

Notre Dame (On the way to Dinner)

Mexican Bar @ Bastille

2007-02-24T02:27:00.000+08:00

Bonjour! This is my 1st entry of year 2007 in a brand new place and entering a new chapter.

In the 2.5 months that i have not blogged, i've been busy with an internship in Credit Suisse, which fortunately ended 1 week before CNY so that i could pack for my exchange to Paris. Now that i reminisce about it, i really miss the times in Credit Suisse, the Xmas party, the Staff party @ MOS, the promotion dinner at Tung Lok Seafood, and my farewell...Really love the culture of CS, if given a chance, i wouldn't mind gg back to work, but it has to be euro hours so that i get more money!! Haha...

2006-12-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm...It's been ages since i last blogged...2 months have gone by in a flash...Regatta has passed, the term is over and now i'm into a entirely different dimension.

It really feels like such a relief that i don't hafta bid for modules next term....thanks to exchange, which means i don't even have to do well, just credits will do. I've gotten my acceptance letter from ESSEC and booked my tickets...will be leaving Singapore for France on CNY...haha...that sounds so good...don't have to go 'bai nian'...then once i'm done with exchange, i'll be touring both spain and italy before going up to tokyo. Oh man...this is so exciting!!!

To add to this load of excitement, just when i thought i will be doing some temp job for 2 months doing some sai gang, the right opportunity came along...credit suisse for the 1st time posted a winter internship for operations/finance interns the week before exams...so here i am now, doing an internship with credit suisse. It's a totally new experience, doing the london shift (european hours) where i start work at 5pm when everyone is ready to knock off and i knock off work when everyone is sleeping, between 2-4am...haha! Some reckon that i'm a lil' crazy, but i quite enjoy it right now...the team i'm attached with is pretty new, coz Credit Suisse just outsourced their LON and NY backoffice ops into Singapore to cut costs and i'm part of that new team...Yay!

The culture there is really quite relaxing and open, you're encouraged to interact as much as you can on top of completing ur daily work, as opposed to the traditional mindset of having to look as if you were very busy even though you have nth to do or do sai gang). Over here, we really do take over a person's job and even more, get to try out what different segments of the team are doing....Really happy right now...Everyday is one to look forward to...We even get educated about where we fit in the structure of the whole company, the mission and visions etc. Exactly what we learn in our business leadership courses...haha

The perks are good too! With a daily meal claims of up to $35 and transport claims for cab....internships have never been better....i seem to be eating good food all the time...

But of course, things are nv perfect....my workplace is in changi...which is damn far from my house la...it's lucky that i can take cab home....otherwise i'll flip man...Just like for the exchange, everything is smooth except for that bit of kinks...being on the waitlist for 18 feb's flight...hope to get it confirmed soon...or i'll be late to france...bleahz...

Well, but life will be boring without some kinks here and there aint it? Till next time!

2006-10-30T15:10:00.000+08:00

Halloween @ the Not So Little Club of Horror a.k.a Zouk yesterday was a blast man!! DJ Aldrin's spinning was great...love break beats...the club was suitably decorated with grosteque images of skeletons with the organs dangling out, hanging spiders and wat-nots...The crowd was simply pumping for more man...

Being my 1st time involved in such an event, i was kinda surprised by Zouk's scale of planning...I thought the crew will be wearing their usual uniforms, but turned out that we had to play the part of Halloween as well...The guys dressed up as Chucky in jumpsuits and overalls, made-up with freckles and messy-hair effect...Scars were drawn to depict horror...For us gals, we were Chucky's bride...we wore a white lacy dress and veil on the head...Painted our nails black and used dark grey eye-shadow to create panda-eyed effect...In other words, we looked gothic....

It was kinda funny though, coz for the floor staff, there were more guys than gals, so the manager was saying that muz have orgy cos not enough gals for the guys..haha...Even when i was assigned to Bar 1, i was the only gal amongst the 9 guys la. It was hard for customers to recognize us as crew coz we were all dressed up, but they soon recognise the guys coz so many Chuckys. But for gal-wise, they could not tell sia...Ended up not taking many orders...Some saw me collecting glasses and said " She's a waitress meh?" - super hilarious...Even when i approach the bill control to make my orders, the staff thot i was customer sia...

Anyhow, many customers dressed up for the occasion. It was like a masquerade...with all types of characters - I saw Bobdog, Donald Duck, Darth Vader, Ghostbusters, CWO people, Ronald MacDonalds with Fries and soft-drinks...There were ancient Chinese vampires, Emperor and Empress...yada yada...some worse sia..wearing the feathers and wings...so hard to walk past them...especially the lady carrying around a shower curtain...

But it was really fun !! A night of picture-taking..happy that customers wanted to take pics with me too! And some even chatted me up thinking i was a customer too...and offering to get me drinks...or asking me if i'm lost from my group...haha....It was really enjoyable though i was supposed to be working. People keep thinking i was some kinda runaway bride and the guys asked me if i would marry them....LOLZ

2006-10-04T02:17:00.000+08:00

Snatches of thoughts:

Thought #1:

Looking at the number of breakups and attachments around me, I wonder if the universe possibly tries to maintain a state of equilibrium, whereby number of breakups=number of attachments.....Although around me there seems to be more breakups recently...Nature does have its own way of keeping things in balance...Constant disequilibrium may be a form of equilibrium...

Thought #2:

There has been a dramatic change in governments these days - Japan has a new prime minister; Thailand has just experienced a military coup followed by interim prime minister who's a military man; In UK, Tony Blair is soon to go with Brown taking over his place. Is this some kind of establishment of new world order? Do you believe that what's in store is already planned by man?

2006-09-21T17:44:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, words don't really mean a things until you can prove it.
From your intentions, your actions.
Although you say there are certain things you said you would do,
But somehow, your behavior, actions and intentions reflect otherwise.

It puts me in a conflict, a dilemma,
As to what my decision should be.
Although driven by wants and emotional attachments,
But i can honestly tell myself what exactly is it that i want...
What will be best for myself..

It is not my decision that changes things,
That does not happen by accident but your choice towards certain things,
As well as mine.
Don't question why,
But reflect why....

Now,
Things have come to such a turn,
And all i will say is,
"Part amicably"

2006-09-17T05:59:00.000+08:00

The atmosphere at zouk seems kinda weird tonight.
It is unlike other saturdays, nor is it like other days of the week.
The crowd was sparse, and the trance music was not exactly fab.
Somehow, i felt myself getting into a trance-like state...
Looking at things as if my head was submerged in water...
The air was charged with the temption of indulging your senses, of seduction.
Simultaneously, or rather, one after the other, the game of seduction began...
2 of which are etched in my head as i peered out thru the counter...

Scene 1:
A sluttish woman wearing a braless bareback top and a somewhat older man,
Walking together with their arms hugging each other's waist...
The man was caressing the lady's bare-back as they walked on..
They ended up on a row of seats...very into each other...
The woman's top, being out of place, revealed her right breast
With the ridges of brown nipple clearly distinct in the dim light..
The man, noticing that, reach over with his left hand,
And caress her nipple with his thumb...
The women responded with surprise
Not having realized her indecent exposure before..
She promptly adjusted her top and continued flirting with the guy...
As the guy stood up getting ready to walk away after some time,
The woman pull him towards her
And hugged him with her breasts against his groin..
It all seemed so intense...

Scene 2:
A butch well-polished in a blazer with spiky hair,
Walked towards her girlfriend,
Seated and holding out a glass of white wine with a straw invitingly towards her.
She approached her, sucking out of the straw,
While gazing hungrily into her eyes,
Positioning her right foot between her gf's legs...
The gal wrapped her arms around the butch,
Pulling her towards her...
Till she was sitting on her lap and lips touching...
Kissing in abandonment...
The lighting, mood and music just seemed so right then,
For this game of seduction.

Though i only had coke and water thru the night,
I felt myself intoxicated...
Really unusual....

2006-09-15T20:28:00.000+08:00

Until i find time for myself, i'm not gonna make time for others.

That's the reality of human nature - selfishness.

Yearnings:
1. Do a morning run where i can get a breath of fresh air....
2. Double-yolk mooncakes - Mooncake festival approaching
3. Strike a physical and mental balance...

Intention + action = making things happen.

2006-09-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

4 weeks into the term, and i'm starting to feel myself burning out....
Not mentally, but thru physical stress and tiredness...
Having so much energy to do so many things is not of much point unless your body is able to keep up with your mental aspect...
Getting sick with the flu, sore throat and fever - my body's protesting ya...

2 nights a week of work at zouk brings an aftermath of excessive mental energy after work that doesn't allow me to fall asleep easily despite the lethargy of the body...
Plus the 5 tuitions a week that brings me home late at night most nights...Getting kinda crazy that parents want more tuitions as exams draw near...and that other people are calling up for tuition...

Last week, i learnt to fold time, and schedule things i wanna do into free time that i have...
Then, i realise that i couldn't remember the last time i went shopping, went for a movie, or even had a good meal outside...I don't even sit up to an hour in front of the tv these days...

Can better manage my time these days...
Imagine that i was only doing 4 tuitions, db training, piano and sch last term...
But this term, its 5 tuitions, 2 days at zouk, db training, piano, tcc and sch...
Itz amazing how capacity has gone up but i don't feel as stressed as i did then...
Haha...

But right now...all i want is to go out and enjoy myself...without a care in the world...
Can see it approaching....nirvana...

Here's where the grouses end...
I've gotten my second choice for overseas exchange - I'll be going to ESSEC in Paris, France next year!
Pulsing with excitement...to be away from home, on my own..touring Europe after that and onward to Japan before returning....
So many plans to be made that i have no idea where to start sia...haha!

2006-09-08T09:14:00.000+08:00

Finality.

The degree of swiftness that led to this finality was shocking beyond words.

Occurrence came and went with just a blink of an eye.

Reaction time was almost nil.

The only way out was acceptance.

Once again, the lack of environmental control.

But control of self to make self-decisions was there at least.

Future dreams/plans shattered.

Pain.

With widening of perspectives, the heart no longer feels empty as previously.

Because there is self-love.

Self-love makes one whole without the need to seek for the other half.

Acceptance of reality.

Process of self-healing.

All it takes is time.

2006-08-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

Itz been almost 4 weeks since i last blogged, and being pestered thru'out this time to update wat's going on in my life, i better do so before the next time i have to opportunity to do so (which i dunno when will that be)

I've definitely not disappeared from the face of earth, but just trying to adapt to school life and the notion of taking 5 tuitions n doing some other part-time job at ungodly hours.

Was in a state of anxiety thru'out the whole of last week, coz i had only 3 pathetic modules for the term, one of which i wanted to drop. So that essentially leaves me with just 2 modules --> i might as well skip the term and do another internship. Besides, with 220 exchange students in the school this term, getting e$500 compared to the e$100 that we locals are getting, competition was strife...We were just nowhere near to getting classes with only 2-3 vacancies left. Fortunately, this burden was lifted off my shoulders when i successfully bidded for 3 extra modules on mon....Muz be lady luck shining on me...Haha...

But of course, nothing's perfect...these 5 modules happen to be heavy subjects : Trade finance, Financial & Actuarial Mathematics, Computer as an Analysis Tool, Supply Chain Management and Maritime Business Economics....which require lots of preparation and assignments due....and to think that i managed to pass my 1st 2 years without a glitch, having to study only when it's mid-term or final exams....So it was tough getting used to this new subjects...It was good to have decided not to do 6 modules (max) instead....I'll just flunk my way thru....

Enuff abt studies...I just completed my AHM on sunday...It was crazy but felt good...all that running on the road...still tink that it's easier to run on the pavements...the NS pple were kb-ing all thru'out the 21km...if they would just shut up and start running, i bet they will feel better...Complaining sure doesn't help the situation...Couldn't really walk after that, esp after sitting down for a while...Now i'm wondering if i would be able to complete the standchart full marathon this dec...Purely rashness and impulsiveness to have gone for it without a thought as to my ability...But then again, i think this would be the fittest time of my life, so it's either now or never....By the time i come back from exchange, i may never regain my current fitness..hehe

Coming up, will be having the signature SMU WaterShock event (seasports event). Dragonboat will be having this Teva Dragonboat Competition, of which i'm supposed to be the marketing head...so no playing for me on that day....Sobz....there will be many fun activities like inline skating, wakeboarding, sailing, banana boat (my fav) etc...which you will get to enjoy thru the entrance fee of $5...it's open to everyone....NTU, NUS, SIM etc...so do come down to give ur support ya!! Come n look for me....haha

I guess that's enuff of crapping for now...need to slp n get some work done tmr...till next time!

2006-08-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

It's mind-boggling how slowly time passes when the end of internship is nearing. The five days of countdown this week has been damn tiring, when there's still 3 more days left to go....Why doesn't the bloody friday come?!

On the way to work this morning, a thought struck me: How stressful it is commuting to work and back each day. Train rides everyday are a torture. Singaporean commuters essentially lack what we call courtesy and are generally quite inconsiderate. Each morning, as i wait on the platform, there's bound to be an errant passenger who stands right on the arrow, which is the exit space for passengers coming out from the train - blocking exiting passengers (don't they understand the concept that air can't go in unless water flows out), or they just cut the queue to get into the train first. When it's time to get into the train, it's another problem: either people don't move into the middle of the carriage where there's space, or others try to push their way in when there's evidently not enough space. I find it a mockery that SMRT employees have to be deployed at the platform to make sure that passengers get in the train in time, such that the doors wouldn't close on them, or that passengers don't try to squeeze in when it's full...yada yada

In other words, it's a jostling affair thru'out the train ride, which sometimes just gets me worked up inadvertently when someone steps on my feet or some bag keeps poking into my back...Of course, bad mood ensues..Can't imagine how am i gonna withstand working in town area after i graduate when travelling is so dreadful.

The train system should seriously be revamped, to have even more trains on the standby when the human traffic is bursting at the seams. Even the connectivity between trains at the interchanges should be improved...Everytime the train reaches JE, the adjourning train to Pasir Ris is already waiting. This is like a huge waste of time, when one train has to wait for the other to arrive before it can leave....the arrival times should be reversed instead...Think our transport system had lots to emulate from the Japan system...

The other day, as i took the train n got off at tanjong pagar, i had a revelation: Being the 1st few out of the train onto the escalator, it shocked me as to how the everyone was moving up the escalator in a coordinated sort of rush. Everyone was walking up the moving escalator but there was only one clear sound of 'bom bom bom'....For a moment, it really felt as if i was amongst a herd of elephants...

2006-07-28T15:26:00.000+08:00

The thought of the end of my internship next fri just makes me excited and so looking forward to the much needed break that i have been deprived of since, erm...the end of the previous term. I had hardly gotten to enjoy one week of after-exam break when i was hauled right into a 15-week internship, not to mention that it was filled with after-work trainings/tuition/piano...not spared even on weekends.

Of course, the end of internship doesn't mean total freedom. For one, i still have my DB training on tue & thur nights, tuitions on mon, wed, fri n sat...and i've just signed up for the job of taking primary school/secondary sch kids for maths/science/social studies trails to places like esplanade, changi airport, science centre, zoo, birdpark, sungei buloh etc. But i think it shuld be fun, revisiting places i went to when i was at their age...

But even so, i will still have a lot more time to myself than before...hehe...here's a plan of what i'm gonna do for the following 2 weeks before sch starts (in case i forget):

1. Meet up with peijun, nana n gang to go ChinaOne and mayb for more spanish/mexican food
2. Go sun-tanning at Sentosa
3. Clubbing (Zouk, MOS)
4. Tennis/Squash with Kaixin, probably more people
5. DB Team Dinner
6. K-Lunch with peiling n other db mates ba (dun forget ur promise wor)
7. Get my fav kueh from Beauty World
8. Compile my pics, do more collages
9. Kayaking, running n more running in preparation of duathlon n AHM
10. Meet up with people i haven't seen for a long time
11. More quality time with family (coz bro is going for attachment in USA disneyland in late aug for abt 6 months)
12. Retail Therapy

Nothing impressive abt what i'm doing during the break, so can see how deprived i was for the past few months...haha...like no life lor

2006-07-24T10:18:00.000+08:00

Went for 1-star kayaking course over the wkend at KLSSC. The gist of the course was mainly capsize drills n more capsize drills, as well as 2 to 1 rescue work. It was exciting, as well as full of hilarious moments....caijun n kaixin were like so blur lah...keep coming out on the wrong side of the kayak during the capsize that they had to do it umpteen times to get it right! Karen was damn funny too, fancy capsizing her boat at the shoreline when we were all trying to shore up...her DB team was launching the boat at the moment in time and all saw her unglam capsize, so everyone had a good laugh!Haha...

On the 2nd day of the course, we learnt 2-1 rescue work, quite fun too, 1 person was to capsize and the other 2 will go rescue the capsizer, to empty the kayak of water and bring the person back into the kayak...Then we all did a massive capsize drill near Pebble condo, and had the 3 Star pple come n rescue us. They were damn pro sia, 1 person rescue 2 pple, they emptied the boat and got us back on pretty fast...Impressed sia...But capsizing in the middle of the river was abit scary la...coz got jellyfish underneath, tink i kicked one of them when i capsized..haha

Then there was one more massive capsize drill where all 10 of us capsized n had to find out own way to rescue ourselves...mainly by using 2 boats as a pivot to empty out 1 boat so that we can get back on...The instructor was damn mean la..tekan us...he took one of the kayaks with him, opened up the drain hole, allowed so much water in that we had a hard time lifting it to empty the water lor...

Overall the 2 days were very memorable, though i'm aching and burnt like nobody's business now..with bruises on my knees from the diamond-shaped position of sitting in the Bandit. Kayaks are really quite hard to control, esp when there are currents or wind, unlike dragonboat, where there's someone to steer the boat...But of course, 1 main takeaway from the course i guess will be more of really the twisting of ur body to get effective strokes. Even the J-draw requires you the twist ur body in order to draw the water lor. As for the classic draw, i don't think i will ever master it...it's sth like embroidery lor, requires patience and has to be done real slowly...

2006-07-21T15:20:00.000+08:00

Trust is not something to be given freely

Once gotten, it should be treasured and well taken care of

Because it resembles the character of a fragile piece of glass

Once broken, it can never be restored back to its original state

Even mending doesn't bring back the 100% trust you yearn for

So do treat your every action with considerable thought

Before it brings out the dark grey clouds overhead

That provides a glimpse into my sentiments

2006-07-19T11:24:00.000+08:00

Was damn happy yest...I actually kept up and stayed ahead of the pack during our run training from SESS to KLSSC & back!!! and my teammates commended on my improvement...hehe...i think they muz be quite surprised abt the change in me...

I remember how when i first started out in dragonboat, i use to detest the running we did almost every training. On saturdays esp, i use to procrastinate when i wake up in the morning, about whether to get there on time for running or just give an excuse and get there later for just the rowing. Even weeks before the Singapore Dragonboat Festival, i still felt that way, mainly because it's hard for me to finish the run consistently. I always thought that the weather was too hot for running, or the distance was too far and my stamina was just not there yet. I think even joan thought i had an attitude problem n showed me the same attitude as well...haha

But mainly her, and plus the support and encouragement of my teammates, boosted my performance in the team. Joan 1st taught me to regulate my breathing, and i found it really helps me to endure longer...Wilson also taught me the way to running long distance...but most impt of all, the desire to win, the bonding during the camp, as well as joan's guidance from our frequent talks made me find my purpose and passion in dragonboat.

All along, perhaps i had not found what i wanted from myself and from dragonboat, i did not have the mental strength to conquer the indominable barriers that were hindering my progress...but joan helped open me up...sorta trigger me to find my intrinsic motivation to do better, to win myself, to achieve a mind over body effect. Even zhui's long emails to us were a source of learning as well...made me think deeper about what i was really looking for. All this while i only thought from the team's point of view, that we wanted to win, not once thinking i wanted to win, and hence not acting on that desire to win...it just made me depend on the whole team to win instead of starting on myself...

This was especially when joan told me about the white dog/black dog story, where 2 dogs quarreled over every single thing all the time...and the dog that won in the end was the one that was feed the most. This brought to mind that in last week's run, i was having mental conversations while running, and everytime i tink of how long the distance is, how many people there are hindering my path along clarke quay, i had the tendency to slow down to a walk even though on the other hand, i wanted to complete it quickly. Having learnt that, during yest's running, i practically just concentrated on running without any conversations in mind...it seemed as if the black dog wasn't being fed at all....and the intensity of concentration was sth i've not experienced before.. and allowed me to last at a good pace thru'out the run....

Now, Joan has tasked me with a challenge: to inspire others so that the whole team can progress together as one, and for myself to evolve further....You can be sure that I will put my best foot forward ya!

2006-07-17T09:51:00.001+08:00

Shape Run 2006 & Pei Jun's 21st

It was madness yesterday morning, having to wake up at 530am just to travel to marina square for the shape run. While preparing to go out, i actually pondered over my stupidity of paying 15 bucks to torture myself over a morning marathon! And to think that there's more to go for AHM and standchart marathon....bleahz

But it felt good after the run, there was a sense of achievement as I conquered the distance with every step taken, bringing me closer to the finishing point Was especially glad that i did not stop to walk, but just kept running. Of course, 5km is not sth i haven't done before, so hopefully, AHM will bring me higher!

Was feeling kinda apologetic as i ran on ahead and left kaixin, caijun, ying huei & karen behind, but fact is that as much as i wanted to run with them, i knew that if i slowed my pace, i may well not have to motivation to complete the whole run. Pace and continuity are indeed important factors to completion of a race satisfactorily, not to mention the mental strength as well.

After we all completed the run, i found out that karen actually sprained her ankle while running, but when the security guard to came to help, she refused to be treated as she feared she will not get her goodie bag if she did not complete the run. She promptly got on her feet and continued running. It was really hilarious...haha...Now her ankle is swollen and bandaged up....Muz take care sia...i do admire her tenacity over shape run's goodie bag...i guess the bag of goodies has certain allure for her..lolz

Haha, and she also msged me last night saying she saw me on channel 5 news for the shape run...so funny sia...but i din managed to see it...was out celebrating pei jun's bdae. Her bdae was supposed to be on 15 July, but due to her numerous work commitments, we could only meet up with her yesterday night.

Me, Kaixin, Peijun and Nana went to Tapas Tree at Clarke Quay, the ambience was fab, with its dim lighting, exquisite lamps, anitque fans and spanish paintings...basically everything. The food, the tapas were deliciosa, especially the grilled squid, the potato in spicy tomato sauce (Patatas Bravas), made me just hanker for more, except that my stomach couldn't take in any more food...haha...Drinkswise, spanish fly, sex on the beach, and a few other cocktails were quite nice. I would think that the latin cocktails sounded quite creative.

On to peijun, we got her a black skin swatch watch with a super huge face, as well as a choco-mint cake...the place really had v good service, we only asked them to bring out the cake and they got their in-house band to come over to our table to sing bdae song to her, as well as 'pretty woman', it was a really nice gesture so much so that we gave them half the cake...haha

Overall, it was a v enjoyable evening, other than pei jun being apologetic over our spending on her prezzie and dinner....but, so long as she enjoys herself, money is not a concern...hehe

2006-07-07T15:51:00.000+08:00

It was an amazing weekend over at the Singapore Dragonboat Festival 2006 held at Bedok Reservoir....It was an event where limits were broken, where we staked out every fibre of our beings, staked out all that we had....

One long year has passed, and looking back:

We 1st joined regatta last year as greenhorns, just wanting to gain some exposure & experience of competing with others in the race....

In Mar this year, we participated in MR500 with the thought that we did not want to come in last for the races and this we achieved....

But this time round, at the Singapore Dragonboat Festival...we entered into the race with a burning desire to want to win all the other teams, to row without regrets....we did all we could n thou we did not win, it was an achievement, a feat for us to move up to the finals, for we all rowed till we were broken..N it signaled the moving up to the next level of game...of moving up into a new league, where no longer would we just struggle not to be the last few anymore, but to be among the winners!!!

This is the 1st time i saw the gals break down in tears after the heats, esp the backpack - cheryl, peifen, weiling....it was totally amazing...i guess it was due to the intense feelings they felt after the heats, of putting everything they had into the race....The feeling was especially great when Keith said ' Gals, welcome to the finals!!' The feelings of joy was simply undescribable....

Though we were not winners in the sense of medals eventually, we definitely were winners in terms of mind overcoming the body... I can still recall the guys' race for PM cup, where the commentator mentioned SMU leading for 1st half of the race....it was really heartening to hear that, even though the spectators were like: 'What the hell! SMU??', as NTU/NUS were hot favorites for the race. It really cheered on the morale of the whole team...

With this event imprinted in our minds, i guess we juz bonded even deeper, being able to connect to each other at a deeper level....n the event ended with us feasting to full satisfaction at Bedok 85...

Following this, we are going to set progressive goals to get to where we want to:

1. Shape Run 2006 - 16 July 2006
2. Relay Duathlon 2006 - 5 Aug 2006
3. The Real Run 2006 - 20 Aug 2006
4. Army Half Marathon 2006 - 27 Aug 2006

5. Regatta
6. Standard Chartered Marathon - 3 Dec 2006

When Regatta comes, our motto will no longer juz be 'nothing is impossible' but that 'impossible is nothing', as we conquer challenges that we thought we never could have overcome previously!! So be prepared to watch our backS!!!

2006-06-26T16:52:00.000+08:00

Our first DB training camp 'SAK-KI 2006', which was held over the weekend, came & passed by in a flash, hurdling me back to reality once again...Felt a wave of pity that good things come to an end so quickly. Time really passes by in a flash when u're having fun with ur dearest teammates...

Nonetheless, i must say with pride that our team have bonded like never b4 and grown more mature in the span of just 2 days. Watched 2 inspirational movies 'Umizaru' & 'Coach Carter', which helped to raise our spirits, morale & the determination to win...as we watched others going on to create mirales thru their own team bonding, spirit & passion!! We also play twister & it was fun seeing some people being longitudinally challenged in awkward positions...haha

Roshni, in particular, was victimised many times - thanks to her pretending to be a sushi/popiah by wrapping herself in her sleeping bag. In the end she got wrapped in the sleeping bag by zhui & lem & thrown out of the room, not once, but TWICE!!! It was really hilarious...& she earned the name, Sushi Queen! Peiling & Peifen, on the other hand, earned the accolade of being divine mothers...for being so motherly n naggy...lolz!! For cheryl, i muz say that her sweet image was totally destroyed when i learnt that she was formally judo captain plus she was scratching herself like a monkey in camp!! Haha...

One particularly memorable part of this camp was this game we play, where magazine paper was passed around & based on the number of pieces of paper u had, those were the number of questions you could ask anyone in the team. But it was unfair la, coz the organizers knew wat was going on & took alot of paper lo...esp Peiling!!! She ended up asking us the only question for the game la, coz it took everyone more than 2 hrs to answer the question!! The question was: to reveal a personal part of your life, namely a turning point in your life. It was indeed personal, especially for the gals, many whom were emotional when telling their story....of not being acknowledged, losing a loved one, dealing with parent's divorces, lives being controlled by parents & so on...touching to the extent that many teared over them....

I think this would be the 1st time our team actually came to such a personal level of understanding, of actually revealing to not juz some, but the entire team in the room, the ups & downs of their lives....i've learnt alot about my teammates, why are they the way they are, & it makes me appreciate them even more...at the end of it...all i can say is....'I LOVE MY TEAM!!!'

Come Saturday, we gals are gonna play our own game n show others wat we're made of!! Team SMU Whoosh!!!

2006-06-23T17:41:00.000+08:00

Ok, here goes...have been requested to blog coz i haven been blogging for some time...

Have been sick for most part of this week, juz when i was really determined and driven to push myself hard for the coming race...It was terrible..having intermittent fever for 2 days...with temperature ranging ard 38 deg..Meals meant porridge n more porridge day in day out..din even have the energy to sit up n blog..

Juz felt kinda helpless, cannot go for training, even unsure if i could go for DB camp this coming weekend too..juz felt as if i was letting myself n the whole team down..coz i was sure this illness muz have weakened my strength alot..it was uncertain if i could put in as much strength as i did in training last weekend...

But of course, it was a great time to take a break from work, tuition, training n piano - hectic schedules that i have been enduring since the start of my internship. Guess my body must have been feeling real overworked...Apparently my boss thinks i've trained too much...Well, mayb the last straw came when i went for Sunday's training..Hehe

Tonight though, i'm definitely going for our 1st ever DB training camp..despite nagging from joan to the extent that i had to promise not to run tmr..only row...plus quarantine myself..lolz...

Being sick had given me time to reflect n think thru wat i want from dragonboat, n i'm definitely gonna realize my burning desire to get into finals this coming race, if not win it!! So peeps, beware our presence!!

2006-06-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

Could see a better performance in the gals boat today...there was finally a feel of the smooth glide of the boat, and some intrinsic drive which i couldn't really detect yesterday...

Nonetheless, the surge could have been better - which should be the kind that would rock u off ur seat...plus, the gals do not have enuff power n speed to do charging as fast as i wanted...Sometimes i feel that it is essential for each n everyone of us to have a taste of the HDB training, only then would u realize that our speed, power is not that strong, not that great...Charging was alrdy slower than HDB's, and yet we could not do it..Grr..feeling kinda helpless...doing it repeatedly will however be a way to get them accustomed to it thou...But itz amazing how a bit of exposure to other teams could make such a difference!!

However, i'm not going to give up as yet!! Juz hope our gals will be able to build up the burning desire & determination to overcome all odds that comes our way by competition time, so that we can show the rest what we're made of!!! I definitely am not gonna give up that easily!! Come on, give me a reason to believe....!! I myself will definitely be doing more personal training of my own to prep myself up for competition mode...Dry rowing, twisting exercises, strength training...

I understand that some gals, having been away for training for quite some time, are not able to keep up with the kind of training we have now..but at this point in time, i guess there's juz no way we can lament over this, but try to draw strength from every source available, such as your mental strength. If you believe and you want to win hard enough, you will somehow draw the strength you need and overcome all odds you're facing. Easier said than done, but you'll never know until to try it...Give it your 100% for every race, and you'll find that you can tolerate and go beyond 100% the next time...

The camp next week will really be a crucial factor as to whether we make or break it, and i definitely hope it will be the former....

2006-06-18T01:50:00.000+08:00

Today's DB training was a fluke...could see that there was a lack of drive & motivation from some of the gals during rowing..Really dunno what to say...

But i'm sure of one thing: our dragonboat team is set up for the purpose of winning, & not some leisure cca. For people whose main purpose of joining is not winning, i think they should jolly well quit...I mean, what's the point of joining when you want to row half-heartedly? It is basically disadvantageous to yourself, n to your teammates who yearn to win in the upcoming race...your teammates on one hand, are not able to extract max potential from you, diminishing their chances of winning..As for yourself, u juz struggle to keep up with the winning desire of others..

After the March race & the AGM, I muz say that i had higher expectations of the team, thinking that by June race, i should be able to see sth from the team, that we will be strong enough to support everyone n bring sth back together as a team...a medal, a sense of pride.But now, it seems that we're nowhere nearer to the goal, if not further...The drive is gone from many pple, and i seriously think that it is worse than not having the speed, stamina & strength...Without motivation & drive, there's no way you can push yourself to excel despite having the qualities...It only allows you to get by...Datz all...

I truly think that to join a sport, there will always be an element of competitiveness & if i can't see the winning desire & competitiveness happening in my own team, i should move on to one that will satisfy my desire of winning. I see myself winning a medal, and being able to hold my head up high proclaiming myself as a proud member of my own team...not just some loser team which is not even a threat to its competitors..It is therefore impt that everyone should fight for their place in the team, in the race.

Well, juz hope that things will not come to such a stage where i have to rethink the choice i made in the 1st place...Come on team! Juz show me what you're made of!! Juz 2 weeks more!!

2006-06-17T01:56:00.000+08:00

It's really a super sinful day today...Slurge almost 400 bucks in the 4 hours which i shopped around in orchard!! Actually took a half-day off to attend the overseas exchange briefing for Spring 2007...but ended by shopping after that..

Basically, i made a pair of specs, bot a newurbanmale World Cup party tank "Spain", a pair of Havaianas BP World Cup "Spain" flip-flops, 2 tops from zara, & last but not least, a pair of Levis' Lady Style Limited Edition jeans which cost about $250 bucks. Lucky thing i had the vouchers from my dragonboat mates...otherwise, i wouldn't bear to spend so much on a pair of jeans. But it's really fabulous!! It's adorned with alot of shiny crystals crystallised with Swarovski!! So this had better be good...hehe... Even got a free levi's bear for buying dat pair of jeans, but itz damn ugly la..!!

After the shopping, me & kx were like real tired, so decided to treat ourselves to some chocolate fondue & belgium waffles over at Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar...it was really relaxing..the waffles was especially delicious!! Too bad the day had to come to an end when we rushed to catch the last bus home...

& now it comes to mind that we forgot to taste the fried mars chocolate bars over at far east plaza...i guess, till next time!!

2006-06-06T15:06:00.000+08:00

Had a BBQ over at Regent Heights on 4th June, Sunday, as a kind of birthday celebration for my 21st...Did not actually have any intention to have any celebration initally...coz my bdaes were disasters most of the time, plus i haven been celebrating for like 3 years alrdy...n this was juz decided on a whim...Hehe

Aniwaes...the BBQ was pretty fun...pple from my pri sch all the way up to SMU turned up, esp pple i haven seen for like 3 years or more!When lan pei came, she brought sth for me..a TIARA!! I was like, 'Wad de...!'So MALU sia...i was trying to hide n avoid wearing that thing, but in the end was forced to wear it la..for the the rest of the Nite!!

Was initially quite embarassing..coz everyone was looking at me..Juz felt super self-conscious. But after taking a few pics with my friends with dat tiara, i felt better...less self-conscious...Ended up posing here n there with my friends all night...

Here are some pictures from the BBQ:

2006-06-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Received a bdae surprise from my smu buddies yesterdae.....Even though i know a surprise was coming up, nonetheless, i was still surprised by the extent of the Surprise! Haha...

Initially thot i was juz meeting kx n nana at Cafe Iguana (was not supposed to know initially, but nana juz blurt it out) for a drink, like a small bdae celebration...when i reached clarke quay, only nana was there, she said there were no seats available at cafe iguana then, so we went strolling ard clarke quay...went by MOS, n saw 2 spanky ferraris parked outside MOS!! i was like *whistle*...wondering who owned them, a lao ah pek or a hunk...haha

Aniwaes, we back to cafe iguana after abt one hr, n there was a surprise awaiting me....My smu buddies were all sitting by the table we reserved, all dressed up n smiling at me...yokey, sheena, jl, pj, kx....was kinda reeling from shock/surprise...coz when i asked them out on 2nd june previously, they said they weren't free.....yup...obviously setting up some kinda ploy...

Then we ordered some food...had burritos (the size of a golden pillow), curry pork stew with some kind of wrap (like prata), tortillas etc....plus margaritas....Cafe iguana is really famous for margaritas!!! Esp the macho margarita, the glass is like super huge...but we only ordered 1 of them. Its quite fascinating, not only was it like a super huge glass, but there was a layer of salt around the mouth of the glass..weird huh? But someone suggested it was to enhance the taste of the margarita...duno if it's true though...

After we finished the food, i suggested ordering more margaritas, but all of them were like ignoring me lor...nobody wanted to order any more alcohol...made me feel kind of sian diao...

Who knows, that was part of the next surprise...what came next was a cake...at first i tot it was a pineapple cake...coz the cake was a creamy yellow, n the powdery cubes on top looked like pineapple cubes. But then i detected a faint smell of durian...n yes! It is the durian mousse cake from Goodwood Park Hotel!!! First time i had the durian cake from there...the durians really pack a punch n every bite fills your stomach with satisfaction...n the powdery square stuff on top of the cake was actually juz sponge cake, but nevertheless soft n artfully made...Courtesy of Jialing!! you really gave me my first experience of such delicious durian cake...

So how does not ordering alcohol n the durian cake link together? Datz because someone actually died of having durians n alcohol together....it seems that the combination is so toxic that your liver may not be able to take it and rupture...so everyone was like refraining from drinking too much in case la...which is kinda contradictory coz if u go to cafe iguana, should drink loads n loads of margaritas...

Overall, it was a very enjoyable n delightful surpise...Had my 1st experience of durian cake from Goodwood Park (previously only tried durian puffs)...n they gave me a black leather braun buffel wallet (something i've always wanted since my old one got stolen)...not forgetting the company n laughter of friends who bothered to come together for that few hours for these...Haven't felt so happy for a long time...thanks peeps!! Looking forward to the next gathering...we muz go MOS together sia!!

2006-06-01T12:23:00.000+08:00

Juz dun understand why the fuck this chinese guy from my workplace doesn't know basic mannners at all:

1) He slurps his soup, coffee, wateva
2) When he eats, he makes disgusting sounds
3) Sings or whistles in the office
4) Taps his feet on the ground when he's bored or listening to music
5) Keeps clicking on his pen when bored

Man! This is so damn rude, irritating and often grating on my nerves, especially now when i'm busy with setting up a financial model, i need all the peace n quiet to concentrate n think, not all these unnecessary noise.....grr...this is one guy i detest more than all the other guys i've come across....his actions are such a turn-off, esp his MCP attitude n sense of conceit....Don't they teach one to be refined or have manners back in school or at home? Someone help....

2006-05-29T20:30:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how people lack the common sense despite the perceived intelligence they display in their studies. Over the discussion of building a financial model, a certain MCP, full of conceit, actually suggested that a drawdown transaction on day 1, is subjected to different interest rate charges as it fluctuates daily, rather than a single interest rate that occurs at the time of drawdown...c'mon, think abt it...for credit card charges, would banks charge customers different interest rates daily as it fluctuates? Banks must be stupid, as they need to input new interest rates charges each day..no matter how many employees they employ then, it will not be sufficient. Customers, on the other hand, will not want to borrow from banks if they are charged differently from one day to the next. This idea is too absurd to be translated into excel, as it requires 365 lines per transaction/borrowing...but this MCP insisted it was the right way to go, despite my common-sensical explanation ...i was therefore, secretly glad when he was proven wrong...Woohoo!! It is important to take note that even if you're an expert in some areas, it doesn't automatically translate into an expert for EVERY single thing. Confidence is a good sign, but overconfidence will break you eventually...you're never always right..for sure... It is always good to practise some humility and be open to suggestions - otherwise, the other way out only leads to embarrassment...

Anyway, that aside…met up with some friends for a bdae celebration on fri, over at Kuali @ Suntec City...the buffet standard was by far the worst i've ever experienced...the food doesn't really fill the stomach...seems more like a dessert place...so it's definitely not worth the price...Here are some pics from then:

Happy 21st, khoonz!!!

Ecstatic with his prezzie!! haha

2006-05-23T17:25:00.000+08:00

With a boost of self-esteem & words of acknowledgement of my ability, i feel so inspired & raring to go --> all thanks to a 1/2 hr chat with the Big Boss....Hehe

What happened was, the CEO of the firm i'm interning at asked me into his office for a chat, mainly a performance review of my work since i started on my internship....Basically, he was very happy about my performance so far. However, i mentioned that success rate of searching for new clients thru phone calls n emails was virtually zero (not impossible, but first, getting to the talk to the boss of the company is one problem, and getting them interested enough for an appt is another. Furthermore, an appt doesn't guarantee a deal in the pocket). Then he gave a reply that was totally unexpected - 'I don't care if you get a single customer, the purpose is not to get business, but to test how you react to things. I knew what you were facing in advance, and if i have time next week, i would like to make a bet with you about getting the appts. Next time, what i hope to hear from you is not a destructive discussion, but a constructive one. Other than telling me the problem, you could give me constructive suggestions to improve the situation. In a dragonboat team, if the rowers are not coordinating, you don't just comment that they are not coordinating, rather, you would find the root of the problem and try to improve their coordination'

Having said that, he also expressed a desire to try to stretch me to my fullest potential during my time here if possible. He thinks my personality doesn't dictate sitting behind a computer all day, not suited for back end job, so he wants to push me in the business development side....to grow as much as possible, even if i were to surpass him...

Every word was like a wave of euphoria surging past repeatedly. He was such a charismatic leader than i totally melted under his praise...made me look at things from a different perspective...angmohs are seriously more open-minded compared to the asian mindset...he's all for interaction while asians will put more emphasis on work...haha....made me so motivated that during gym training in the evening, i was more energetic than usual...did 15 mins of running even before start of training...Jiayou!!!

2006-05-21T23:11:00.000+08:00

My Bday Wishlist:

1. Newurban Male Bag - Taken

2. Disel Watch - Taken

3. Braun Buffel Wallet -Taken

4. Armani Sunglasses

5. Rollerblades

6. Mao - The Unknown Story by Jung Chang & Jon Halliday

7. Polo-Ts from Polo Ralph Lauren

8. Takashimaya or Isetan Vouchers

9. Aasics GT2110 (Orange/Lightning/White) Women US 8.5

Being pressured to come up with a wish list...so here it is....not in any order of preference thou....If u're getting anything from the list, just notify me so that others will not get the same thing ya...Hehe

2006-05-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

Xinhe's 21st Bdae - 25 March 2006

Karaoke @ Safra Toa Payoh

Juz think this pic's nice...hehe

Xinhe & his prezzie - I picked dat k...nice rite!!

Meijuan's 21st Bdae - 14 March 2006

Jialing & Meijiuan (looking dainty in her new jacket)

nice pose - mud pie looking weird with so much stuff sticking out

The gals.....

Plus the guys!!!

2006-05-21T19:08:00.000+08:00

Kaixin's 21st - 18 Feb 2006

Pretending to be munching on chips...Lolz

Trying to entertain ourselves - Say Cheese!!

My pals from SMU, not forgetting the bdae gal..

Do we look nude under covers & scandalized?

Hail the organizers of the party!!!

Yay!!! We set up the bbq fire...Gal Power!!

Joan's 21st bdae - 11 Feb 2006

SMU gals team rox!!!

2006-05-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

Have been stewing in anger for the past 4 hours, so pissed that i can feel the heat of anger emitting from my face.....

my kid was 1 hour late for tuition just now....again!!! Ever since we started tuition, he has hardly been punctual....the excuse that he gave just now was that 7pm was too rush for him...i don't see how it can be justified.....even when tuition was set at 8pm previously, he could take his time to come for tuition only at 9pm, dragging tuition time till 11pm...

It only shows that no matter what time we set the tuition, some how or another he will definitely be late. It is all a matter of discipline & effort. He should make the effort to come on time. Even if he couldn't make it on time, it is courtesy to inform the teacher beforehand that he would be late, so that i can get there at a later time, rather than myself discovering that he will be late upon reaching his place.... Is it then justified for the teacher to be penalized for the student's tardiness?? To the extent that i often have to waste 1 hr waiting - time that could be better utilized elsewhere? Where's the accountability?!

Out of respect and courtesy to the teacher, the student should always be arrive before the teacher, and not the other way round...Who's ever heard of the teachers in school waiting for their students to come for class??? Anyway, the teacher's time is always more precious than the student's.....

To make matters worse, he often does not bring the right books...what's the point of bringing your hw down to do when u will eventually have to do it aniwae even w/o tuition....Furthermore, the questions are so easy it is a joke to be doing them for tuition. That way, there's no tangible benefit to be reaped when you don't do assessment book questions that are tougher in nature.....

It is not that i don't wish to teach him anymore, but if he's willing to change his attitude such that tuition is effective for him....then things would be different...

2006-05-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

Went for HDB DB training on sat. It was truly an eye-opening experience.....The rowers all rowed at a breakneck pace, a pace that our team had never experimented with before.....had a hard time catching up with their coordination.....Can u imagine that even myself, as pacer of my own team, cannot catch with them? Who am i then, to set the pace for my team? The kicking was also impactful...almost lost my balance and fell off the seat....and lost my footing countless of times.Finally got corrected on certain aspects of my rowing....it is really different having a trainer who can discern your mistakes at one glance. Must really improve myself....

Of course, no one is perfect too....was initially pissed off cos the person rowing in front of me kept scooping up water with her paddle onto me...Man! I couldn't see a thing in front of me nor could i following the coordination...she did not even coordinated well with the rest aniwaes....was secretly glad when i switched boats back to join my teammates. What a relief!

Have been in a reflective mood the past few days....probably feeling the lack of purpose, direction and drive, hence the mind tends to wander. Felt a tinge of sadness when i look back at how hard it is to gather with a group of friends. Everyone's schedules and priorities are different....itz hard to even find a common time slot to catch up with old times and bond in present time. I wonder how long has it been since i last met them. It is however, my firm belief that if friends are committed to meeting up regularly, there should be no excuses to prevent the meeting from occurring....well...it really takes 2 hands to clap...

Especially in university life, everyone seems to be getting attached and you are not so close to your friends as you used to be. Its a moment of truth: everyone seems to be drifting apart, they are more into their other half than they think. Back in secondary school, friends would declare that they will not 'zhong4 se4 qing1 you3' no matter what, but reality is not as simple....it is more pronounced to those are still not attached yet.....since they are the ones looking to friends for company...

Hmm....at this point in time, my life seems like a void....

My supervisor once asked me, ' What do you want in life?'
At that time, i replied, 'Money & status'
He said, ' Is that what you really want?'

Thinking back, i guess it kind of relates to content theories of motivation i learnt in mpw...At this point in time, this may be what is important to me, but once this need is fulfilled, my wants will change to something else.....Ultimately, it will be something that money n statue can't buy...say having your passion as your job or sth.....

As such, I seem to have most of what i want, but in actual fact i don't have anything at all....Material and extrinsic needs aside, what i really need most is the intrinsic satisfaction that is not easily attain merely by money....that is lacking in my life now.....really craving for some excitement and spice...I guess it is not just as simple as money & status, there's more to it than the oomph factors....

2006-05-08T15:52:00.000+08:00

After being @ work with trade finance for 2 weeks, i've finally cleared off my workload and now it's time for a break....hehe....itz a miracle man....so here i am, blogging before i get loaded up with work again....

Finally gotta back my zest for dragonboat.....guess coz i was detached from dragonboat for too long....and the enthusiasm was left dormant....so it was kinda hard to bring it out again....Aniwaes....itz all fine now......

Fri 5 May
Had free tix from HSBC to watch MI3 on friday. There was also free drinks and popcorn, as well as HSBC umbrella....it was really the ultimate.....but the show was seriously overrated...the hype was there, but the actual plot wasn't fantastic.....

Sat 6 May
Just celebrated Jialing's 21st on sat with her.....she din haf any party or anything lidat, so we went to the board games cafe with our jc mates and smu friends.....was supposed to be a jc kinda gathering, but itz either the organizers were not v efficient, or my jc mates were not an enthusiastic bunch, coz there were so few people that i had to do emergency calling to get more people to turn up, lest she is disappointed....

In the end, i manage to get 6 more people to come, smu peeps are really more enthu sia...but wat irritated me the most was...that the jc mates who turned up were v close to jialing, yet after the board games thingy, they just said they had to leave...it was only 6pm....datz how good friends they are...to leave their good friend juz to go dating or somewhere else.....doesn't friendship count for something....if it were me, i wuld rather not meet up at all if that's what they intended...it seemed more like an obligation to them than a sincerity in celebrating a good friend's bdae....

Good thing there was still christina and kx....thou both are not say v v close to her as our jc mates, christina actually cancelled her date with her bf (precious to her coz her bf was booking into army that nite), and kx went late for her family bbq....in my opinion, that is how a worthy friend should behave....As usual, i was disappointed by these people....

Sun 7 May
Had a mahjong session last nite....was fabulous, starting to learn how to play at this point in time...haha...lost $1.60.....but lucky thing i wasn't the biggest loser.....:)

2006-04-23T01:34:00.000+08:00

After procrastinating back and forth over the problem of dragonboat, i was hit with the realization that other than the lack of bonding, i have completely lost my drive and motivation for dragonboat. Training today was uneventful. First, i was late and had to quickly put down my stuff and catch up with the rest for the run, during which i lacked any feeling or motivation to put myself thru. Second, during rowing, i just felt plainly alienated from the rest of the team.
This further confirms the fact that i've lost my zest for dragonboat, and not partly due to the fact that i have a busy schedule coming up........

Other than that, training was kinda tough today. At sea, we did a 2km warmup row, followed by 2 strenuous 4km row around the circumference of kallang river. Aching all over now, coz i have been away from training since the last race - abt 3 wks.

Tempted i am to quit dragonboat, feeling like a burden right now, but then again, there's the matter of abandoning my teammates in their time of need (was told they don't wanna lose such a good rower) . Somehow it seems unethical to quit and join PASSC team, its TOTAL DISLOYALTY. Feeling depression, disillusionment right now, muz really reflect and find what i really want from life i guess.

Its weird how i feel more stressed and depressed even though exams are over.....not getting the sense of relief i ought to feel.....

2006-04-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Been eons since i last blogged, and the term has past by in a flash...exams are over n itz onwards into the hols...but i'm starting my internship in 2 days time...till aug 4....blehz...i will be working as a management trainee in Eurofin Asia, a finance firm...will be helping out on the investment fund they are setting up...hope itz a worthwhile experience for me...hehe

Duno whether to be happy to not...
Happy that i got an internship with such a decent firm
Not happy coz my life will be kind of a hell-hole from next wk on...
Imagine....
5-day 9-6pm, mon wed fri tuition from 7-9pm, thur piano 730-9pm, tue thur 7-9pm sat 3-6pm db training, sun tuition........
Datz a 7-day week with no time to take a breather or do any R&R...
SOMEBODY PLS KILL ME!!!!

Dragonboat training is gonna start officially today, yet i feel no excitement....
Last year's regatta race did bring the gals team closer together, but the march race has seem to push us further apart....there are people i hardly talk to at all, and i always feel alienated around them during training....dere's this sixth sense in me that tells me that they dun like me...but itz hard to quantify....perhaps it's due to the fact that we have no common topics....geez.....i don't know...

As far as i'm concerned, i joined dragonboat to bring back the feeling of bonding which i felt when i was in njc squash....but it seems like itz not even halfway there yet....one thing is they dun open up and i dun feel the close-knittedness i yearn to feel from the days of squash....makes me contemplate quitting the team....what i want is a team that is v bonded, who share their happiness and troubles, who move forward together with the determination and perseverance to reach their goals together.....but sometimes what i'm hearing is juz hollow words of encouragement, and it doesn't help that some have already quitted the team....

2006-01-23T15:25:00.000+08:00

Hmm...look thru the blogs n friendster profiles of my friends brings alot of revelations...it brings a sense of closeness knowing how they are getting along, yet i feel myself drifting away from them when i realize the vast differences in our lifestyles, our circle of friends....esp of those who are studying overseas right now....how i yearn to be able to study overseas....to experience the independent lifestyle...to do things as and when you like without holding back....the envy intensifies especially when most of your sec sch friends are going thru that phase.....

But getting back down to earth...i should be thankful for what i have as opposed to what i can't have....perhaps the day of reckoning will come when i do my masters' overseas...as for now....i should just be contented with the opportunity of an overseas exchange next year...

2006-01-22T22:33:00.000+08:00

Feeling super pissed off and boiling with anger right now...I guess i've never been so angry for a long time now....and here's why:

About an hour before i was to knock off from work...ard 8pm...my supervisor called and asked for the number of phones i had sold. When it was not to her satisfaction, she starting shouting into the phone and starting to blame me with every single reason she could find...despite me trying to defend myself...it's super unreasonable - How am i to sell so many phones when 1) There's no stock of phones with better features 2) There are competitor phones which are much better given the price 3) You didn't mention any target b4 until u started shouting?!

Given my temperament, no one has ever dared to shout @ me before, and i seriously hate it when people shout into my ear, or into the phone. So she did both and now i'm stewing like no one's business....Firstly, being a supervisor doesn't give you the right to shout @ anyone....not even my mum does that to me...Secondly, shouting doesn't resolve things....it only makes things worse by turning the other party away from what you are trying to convey...Thirdly, you're only an ite grad who's now in poly...even though you may be a good sales person, but i definitely don't see you as a good leader.....you're not anywhere near.....

All i need right now is squash therapy......to vent my anger....

2005-12-29T00:17:00.000+08:00

23rd dec was a day i felt really like xmas...the whole day was packed n enjoyable...i could really feel the spirit of xmas hovering over me...the warmth and sugary feeling...

the 1st thing i did dat dae was meeting up with my jc mates for k lunch...brought kx along also...coz i promised to go kbox with her...but then i dun wanna go so many times....so she gotta mingle with my frenz...

Aniwae, i made up with my jc good fren...kanglin...and it was the 1st time ever that i was meeting up with her since getting our A level results...was feeling abit of apprehension as to how the 1st meeting would go...but unexpectedly, we clicked as well as we did in the past...it seemed as if time stopped at where we left off more than 2 years ago....it was enjoyable talking about everything under the sun...even the singing @ kbox was especially enjoyable when everyone just sang along regardless of who was holding on to the mikes.....it was definitely a different and fulfilling experience so far...I guess i had never been so happy enjoying these precious few hours with my jc mates. The passage of time certainly matures our thinking and makes us value the short gathering we had.....

After the karaoke session...me and kx went off for narnia @ suntec city...organised by smu's CF...the show was quite nice...interesting...thou i don't like preaching before the movie...After that was kind of a surprise, coz sheena invited us to her bbq gathering (meant for her jc class)...we crashed the bbq nonetheless...and got to know more people...hehe...even went for prata afterwards.....

I can't say how happy i was to have experienced the gay mood of xmas, with so much giving, sharing and love...everyone was in a similar mood and there was lotsa fun that dae... Here are some pics for memory......

Starhub, Kanglin, Meijiuan, Jialing, Yunping, KX and Me!!

Me, Meijuan & Jialing

Tired out after hours of singing.....

2005-12-24T14:27:00.000+08:00

Had our very 1st DB Xmas Dinner last nite. We went to Brewerkz @ Clarke Quay....supposed to meet everyone at like 530pm, Clarke Quay mrt....but i was super late...reached only ard 630pm and needed someone to bring me to Brewerkz coz i din noe how to get there...So paiseh!!! Anw, i was late coz i bot some parrot fish to set up my fish tank again...the previous time after my fishes died i din bother getting new ones...but since CNY is approaching soon...might as well liven up my fish tank...Hehe

I guess it was kinda lucky that i went there late...coz by the time i got there...@ ard 7pm, the food was still not served!!! Early birds dun really get the worm huh....Anw, i ordered sausages(Bratswurts & Spicy Italian) with mash...it was super nice...we ordered seconds of the mash potato...

Aft that, the girls were snapping pictures like crazy, coz 4 of us brought cams...it juz reminds me of prom nite...everyone dress nice nice...then keep taking pictures...haha...juz too bad for those who din turn up...

Peifen was the funniest that nite...the guys were suggesting to go indochine..but then the girls were kinda broke...n there was no ladies nite...plus the guys were not the generous kind...so...we din go there...someone then suggested going coffeeshop for beer...then peifen was like " wear nice nice cannot go coffeeshop"...."wear nice nice cannot do this cannot do that"...it was fun poking fun @ her dat nite...

Ended up @ coffeebean...kinda dumb...but i tried the peppermint ice-blended mocha...quite nice...n we juz yakked the nite away...overall enjoyable and reminiscent...

Our guys being ungentlemanly...(guys sitting, gals standing)

SMU DB gals rox....(outside brewerkz)

Trying to renact wat we did in DXO (seems unsucessful though)

2005-12-20T23:31:00.000+08:00

Celebrated nana's 21st bdae yest. Actually it was long overdue...like almost 2 weeks ago, but with kx bz with roadshows and pj away in perth, we couldn't meet up on the day itself...

Aniwae, she generously treated us to a scrumptious buffet @ Pan Pacific's Summer House. I had reserved the table for 4...and me and kx went through alot of haggling to have the restaurant manager convinced to give us the SMU discount rate - had to bring the gourmet club magazine to show them proof...haha..

The food there was quite delicious, juz abit lacking in variety...there were no lobsters - to my everlasting regret...But the scallops and prawns were especially delicious...so was the Pan Pacific sausages with wine sauce...there was drunken prawn soup and double-boiled pork ribs with lotus root - quite abit of standard there....but the rest of the hot food section didn't really meet my fussy expectations.

Then there were desserts and fruits section - nonya kueh, log cakes, puddings, ice-cream etc...it was really a fabulous spread. I took some pics over there and got chastised by the manager - we were not allowed to take pics over at the buffet section...well, but he let it pass...hehe

Okay..to the most important part of the day - we got nana a wine-coloured 5 mega-pixel samsung digital camera for her 21st...itz a really nice camera, abet a little too expensive...we ended up having to get her to fork out a little for it too...kinda embarassing...but she was shocked, surprised and paiseh that we spent so much on her also...as well as grateful that we got her sthg she otherwise would not have been able to afford.

Yest was like a whole xmas gift exchange, nana got xmas prezzies for us all and pj got us gifts from perth...me and kx din buy anything for them la...like super paiseh. Itz been a long time since we had a get-together like this, esp when we din take any courses with pj this term...happy that the bonds are still stayed strong. We toked and laughed alot yest...pj laughed until she cried...as dramatic as ever. It was on the whole v enjoyable, and i hope we'll all meet up again before sch reopens....Winks*

Nana & her new camera

PJ, Me & KX posing for nana

Kx caught by surprise @ the desserts section

Wat a pretty lil' xmas house...surrounded by desserts

Gang of 4

Me & Kx at Pan Pac's Xmas Tree

PJ and KX pulling the ear of green bear bear