Sometimes, words don't really mean a things until you can prove it.
From your intentions, your actions.
Although you say there are certain things you said you would do,
But somehow, your behavior, actions and intentions reflect otherwise.
It puts me in a conflict, a dilemma,
As to what my decision should be.
Although driven by wants and emotional attachments,
But i can honestly tell myself what exactly is it that i want...
What will be best for myself..
It is not my decision that changes things,
That does not happen by accident but your choice towards certain things,
As well as mine.
Don't question why,
But reflect why....
Now,
Things have come to such a turn,
And all i will say is,
"Part amicably"
OrAnGeL was fuming at
5:44 PM
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The atmosphere at zouk seems kinda weird tonight.
It is unlike other saturdays, nor is it like other days of the week.
The crowd was sparse, and the trance music was not exactly fab.
Somehow, i felt myself getting into a trance-like state...
Looking at things as if my head was submerged in water...
The air was charged with the temption of indulging your senses, of seduction.
Simultaneously, or rather, one after the other, the game of seduction began...
2 of which are etched in my head as i peered out thru the counter...
Scene 1:
A sluttish woman wearing a braless bareback top and a somewhat older man,
Walking together with their arms hugging each other's waist...
The man was caressing the lady's bare-back as they walked on..
They ended up on a row of seats...very into each other...
The woman's top, being out of place, revealed her right breast
With the ridges of brown nipple clearly distinct in the dim light..
The man, noticing that, reach over with his left hand,
And caress her nipple with his thumb...
The women responded with surprise
Not having realized her indecent exposure before..
She promptly adjusted her top and continued flirting with the guy...
As the guy stood up getting ready to walk away after some time,
The woman pull him towards her
And hugged him with her breasts against his groin..
It all seemed so intense...
Scene 2:
A butch well-polished in a blazer with spiky hair,
Walked towards her girlfriend,
Seated and holding out a glass of white wine with a straw invitingly towards her.
She approached her, sucking out of the straw,
While gazing hungrily into her eyes,
Positioning her right foot between her gf's legs...
The gal wrapped her arms around the butch,
Pulling her towards her...
Till she was sitting on her lap and lips touching...
Kissing in abandonment...
The lighting, mood and music just seemed so right then,
For this game of seduction.
Though i only had coke and water thru the night,
I felt myself intoxicated...
Really unusual....
OrAnGeL was fuming at
5:59 AM
-----------------
Until i find time for myself, i'm not gonna make time for others.
That's the reality of human nature - selfishness.
Yearnings:
1. Do a morning run where i can get a breath of fresh air....
2. Double-yolk mooncakes - Mooncake festival approaching
3. Strike a physical and mental balance...
Intention + action = making things happen.
OrAnGeL was fuming at
8:28 PM
-----------------
4 weeks into the term, and i'm starting to feel myself burning out....
Not mentally, but thru physical stress and tiredness...
Having so much energy to do so many things is not of much point unless your body is able to keep up with your mental aspect...
Getting sick with the flu, sore throat and fever - my body's protesting ya...
2 nights a week of work at zouk brings an aftermath of excessive mental energy after work that doesn't allow me to fall asleep easily despite the lethargy of the body...
Plus the 5 tuitions a week that brings me home late at night most nights...Getting kinda crazy that parents want more tuitions as exams draw near...and that other people are calling up for tuition...
Last week, i learnt to fold time, and schedule things i wanna do into free time that i have...
Then, i realise that i couldn't remember the last time i went shopping, went for a movie, or even had a good meal outside...I don't even sit up to an hour in front of the tv these days...
Can better manage my time these days...
Imagine that i was only doing 4 tuitions, db training, piano and sch last term...
But this term, its 5 tuitions, 2 days at zouk, db training, piano, tcc and sch...
Itz amazing how capacity has gone up but i don't feel as stressed as i did then...
Haha...
But right now...all i want is to go out and enjoy myself...without a care in the world...
Can see it approaching....nirvana...
Here's where the grouses end...
I've gotten my second choice for overseas exchange - I'll be going to ESSEC in Paris, France next year!
Pulsing with excitement...to be away from home, on my own..touring Europe after that and onward to Japan before returning....
So many plans to be made that i have no idea where to start sia...haha!
OrAnGeL was fuming at
11:51 PM
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Finality.The degree of swiftness that led to this finality was shocking beyond words.Occurrence came and went with just a blink of an eye.Reaction time was almost nil.The only way out was acceptance.Once again, the lack of environmental control.But control of self to make self-decisions was there at least.Future dreams/plans shattered.Pain.With widening of perspectives, the heart no longer feels empty as previously.Because there is self-love.Self-love makes one whole without the need to seek for the other half.Acceptance of reality.Process of self-healing.All it takes is time.
OrAnGeL was fuming at
9:14 AM
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