Life really is a rollercoaster ride.
Or perhaps it's just me. The internalized temperaments, the wild mood swings. As the gap between the high and the low increases, i feel myself moving closer to the abyss.
My career side is moving rather smoothly, which presents a gaping hole in other areas that haven't really been worked on.
Sometimes it feels like i'm banging against a stone wall. Each attempt is a risk, and when that risk manifests itself, a deeper hole is dug. Forcing myself to cut off, and keep cutting off to be functional, to be self-run.
But the high flying areas of my life, at work and my progress at ECI, on the other hand, really flips me into a high as i cruise my way up.
This kinda sucks.
All i need is just listening, presence and space to share, indulge and create, moments together. But the populace is disappointing.
Just not certain how long it will take before the enitre pile collapses.
The fragility of what lifes hold for us.
Internalization sucks. How i can't present myself otherwise because of the pre-conceived notions others have that doesn't allow me to be myself.
I'm starting to experience what it means to be in a place high up where people on the ground revere you such that it's almost impossible to be yourself.
I just wanna lose myself in the world of the unknown. To free and be free.
The disconnection lingers.
OrAnGeL was fuming at
8:37 PM
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